Zero, Thirtyseven, Nine
by Empty Pen09
Summary: AU.  Nerdy nobody Rachel Berry is secretly dating popular cheerleader Quinn Fabray.  But does Quinn really love her?
1. Chapter 1

She always did this. Showed up unexpectedly and did something totally over the top that reminded me why I allowed her to treat me so shabby. Quinn was extremely romantic when she wanted to be. She had a way of looking at me that sent shockwaves through my body. A look that made me forget all the pain and the hurt my heart felt because of her. When we were alone her smile was enough to make me melt. I loved this side of her. The nice side, the warm and caring side. The side that called me before bed and told me I was her one and only.

The side I didn't like was the mean side. The bitchy side. She could be unnecessarily cruel when she wanted to be. It was a part of her that I just didn't understand. I never understood the anger. The rage boiling just below the surface. It never made sense to me why she liked hurting me. She did it randomly, always in public and with viciousness I couldn't comprehend. Just earlier today she'd called me Man Hands in the middle of the cafeteria. It was completely out of the blue and unwarranted. I wasn't looking at her, she hated that. I wasn't trying to talk to her in public, she detested that. I was minding my own business and she just blurted it out.

"Hey Man Hands, you all dressed up for the librarians ball or what?" It wasn't particularly funny but that didn't stop her disciples from laughing like hyena's at the comment. I had taken the time to make myself look extra nice today, it was her birthday after all. I put on the red sweater she'd bought me hoping seeing it would put a smile on her face since I wasn't allowed to give her gifts at school. The last time I'd tried she berated me for twenty minutes about how I was putting everything at risk, whatever that meant.

Having her tease me today of all days, while I was wearing her sweater and had taken the time to pull my hair back the way she liked it, hurt like hell. It hurt so badly I had to fake a sneeze so I could shuffle off to the bathroom to cry.

She pulled me off my bed and laid her cell phone on the nightstand. A soft guitar strum began to play and when I felt her wrap her arms around me I closed my eyes and pretended life could always be so simple.

She whispered lightly in my ear and I was so hypnotized by her warm breath against my neck and the cool words flowing out of her mouth that I didn't realize she was simply singing along to the song.

Why do I keep my mind

On you all the time?

And I don't even know you.

Why do I feel this way

Thinking about you every day

And I don't even know you.

When I see you on the street

My heart skips a beat.

I closed my eyes and we slow danced in the privacy of my bedroom. It always went this way. She did something to hurt me then showed up later that night to apologize with romance and sweet nothings whispered in my ear. It was always different. Today it was dancing. Last time it was a catered dinner while my fathers were on holiday.

I kept my eyes closed tightly and leaned my head against her shoulder until the song ended. She pulled away from me with a cocky grin that I wanted to say I hated but I didn't. I loved it. Confident looked good on her. She knew she was forgiven and it wasn't even up for debate.

"That's a beautiful song." I told her.

"It's called Natural High. It's a classic, it's by a group named Bloodstone. It's the kind of stuff people don't listen to anymore. I found it on Youtube and I thought of you, it's beautiful like you are."

I could feel my face begin to blush and looked quickly down at the floor in an attempt to hide it. She caught me however, wrapped a hand around my neck and pulled me into her for a kiss. I didn't fight her off. Her lips tasted like strawberry's and her breath smelled like peppermint. When our mouths met it was like Christmas morning. Excitement and the anticipation of more to come.

She pulled away too quickly and before I knew it she was sitting on the edge of my bed. She was never much for small talk. She never felt the need to explain herself to anybody, least of all to me. I used to think she thought of me as a plaything but had convinced myself to the contrary, although no legitimate evidence had proved me otherwise.

"Come sit down next to me." She instructed.

I obeyed sheepishly. I didn't have the guts to defy her. Our relationship was not a democracy. Quinn was clearly in charge. She made all the rules. She showed up when she wanted, she decided what we did when we saw one another. I had absolutely no say in what went down and strangely I liked it that way. Her domineering personality gave me peace, I liked not being in control in at least one aspect of my life.

She stared at me for a minute that felt like twenty and finally began to unsnap the buttons of my sweater. My body froze up. What was she doing? Was she going to take my clothes off?

I mustered my courage swallowed hard and looked into her eyes. "What are you doing?"

The question caught her off guard. I never resisted her. I wasn't resisting now simply questioning, but to her any independent thought on my part was defiance. Her eyes turned hard and her mouth formed a thin tense line.

"What?" She asked me.

I steeled myself. "What are you doing?"

"What now? It's been like ten months Rachel. Ten months is plenty of time."

"For what?" I asked her playing dumb. I had a pretty good idea of what she expected to happen. This being her birthday I suppose she thought the timing was perfect to get my clothes off.

She rolled her eyes. "You know what, forget it. God you're such a prude." She practically jumped off the bed and headed for the bedroom door. Was she pouting? Was she going to leave?

"Are you serious? Are you that much of a child?" I asked her hoping to hit her pride. It worked, she turned back to face me her eyes filled with anger.

"What the hell did you say?" She asked.

Uh, oh. I may have pushed it too hard. I did my best to continue my independent streak but I could feel my bravery waver.

"I said are you going to just leave because I'm asking questions."

She sensed my confidence shaking and crossed her arms with a smirk. "Yes."

"Why?"

She laughed. "Rachel we've been together for ten months, almost a year. A year of me giving you time to get ready to take the next step. I'm ready. I've been ready since day one. You should get with the program."

My chest began to ache. Was she telling me to get with the program? If I didn't just take my clothes off for her and give myself to her I was what? A prude? A tease?

"You can't be serious."

She made a snorting sound and uncrossed her arms. "Are you kidding me? I've been the perfect girlfriend."

Oh my god she's delusional.

"Zero, Thirty seven, and nine."

She looked at me as if I was speaking Yiddish. "What the hell are you talking about? What do those numbers mean?"

Of course she wouldn't know.

"Zero. The number of times you've told me you love me. Ten whole months and not once have you said I love you."

She didn't flinch. "Are you joking? I've said I love you plenty of times. I just did a minute ago."

Completely delusional. "You did not. You told me I was beautiful. That's not the same thing. You've told Santana she was beautiful does that mean you love her?"

"I've never called Santana beautiful. I said she was pretty. I've only used that word when I describe us. You and me." She began to shake her head as if this were something I should already know and just wasn't paying attention. "What about the other numbers?"

"Thirty seven. The number of times you've made me cry."

Her eyes widened with shock and surprise. "What? Since when did I make you cry?"

The fact that she didn't realize she could be so hurtful and cruel somehow made her transgressions against me that much more painful. She didn't even notice them. They were nothing to her. Silly words stated randomly at my expense for the amusement of her and her friends.

"Today. You made me cry today. Man hands? That hurt. I wore your sweater and wore my hair the way you like it and you just laughed at me with your friends. You didn't even care. I went to the bathroom and cried."

A look of genuine amazement seemed to come across her face. Did she not even realize what she was doing was mean? How could she not when all her friends laughed at me?

"You don't like that? I thought you understood. It's the only way I can say hello to you. Man hands Rachel. You don't even have man hands. Its stupid and not true. The fact that the other girls think it's funny is why I laugh. It's like they're telling you how much I love you too and they don't even know it." She said.

It was a completely ridiculous story. So ridiculous in fact that it was probably true. Why make up such a stupid lie? Was it possible that all her angry words and hurtful teases were meant as a sort of secret handshake?

"I can't believe you've been crying about this. Why didn't you bring it up before now?" She asked. It was a good question. Why hadn't I said anything before now?

I shrugged. "I don't know. You always came over to apologize later."

Quinn looked at me as if I'd broken one of the ten commandments. "What else aren't you telling me?"

Suddenly with the tables turned I felt the need to change the subject. My iron clad complaints crumbling at my feet I briefly considered taking my sweater off like she'd initially asked. Knowing Quinn like I did I understood this wouldn't distract her. Once her feathers were ruffled she was like a dog chasing a bone.

"Don't you want to know what nine means?"

She wasn't deterred. Her beautiful face staring at me as if it were etched in stone. "What else do you have a problem with?" She asked again, this time more forceful.

I felt silly and considered briefly that I was overreacting. "Nothing. You just aren't very nice to me. You don't want anybody to know we're together. I don't like the way this relationship makes me feel. I get not wanting to come out but I can't even speak to you at school. You're ashamed of me."

Quinn laughed. "I'm not ashamed of you. I just have a reputation to uphold. You're not exactly cool. I've told you to dress differently but you won't. You like your clothes. What am I supposed to do let us both get slushied everyday?"

"I haven't been slushied in months." I told her defiantly.

She continued to laugh. "About ten right?"

Shoot. Game, set, match. She should join the debate team. I bit the corner of my lip.

"What does nine mean?"

I was afraid to tell her now. Somehow she'd make me look silly I just knew it. She'd make it seem like I was overreacting and I'd feel like a fool.

She reached out and stroked my hair. "It's okay Rach, you can tell me."

"Nine. The number of times I've told you that I loved you and the number of times I wished and prayed that you'd say it back to me."

Quinn began to shake her head. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't care. I just don't know what to do with these feelings Rachel." She sighed deeply. "How am I supposed to deal with this? How do I tell you that I love you then go back to the way things were before?"

My heart skipped a beat. "You love me?" I asked. It wasn't exactly what she said but it was all I had right now so I jumped on it.

"Of course I love you baby." She reached over and stroked my cheek. "I love you so much. That's why I wanted to see you today to show you how much. I wanted us to share something special. I thought that maybe you'd want to show me how much you cared today. I wanted today to be special."

My heart melted in my chest. "I never said I didn't want to." That was true. I had never said no but I was thinking it. Up until a second ago the answer had been a firm no. Now it was a weak maybe, a very weak maybe bordering on yes.

She smiled her golden smile at me, her pretty green eyes glowing. "Do you want to see what I bought for you?"

I nodded like an eager child hungry for attention. She was on her feet and unzipping her Cheerios top before I knew what was going on. She pulled it over her long blonde hair and tossed it carelessly to the corner. I wanted to stop her but my mouth had gone dry and I wasn't able to form the words. She unzipped her skirt and let it fall to her feet. She wasn't wearing her Cheerio's spankies. Instead she was wearing a pair of white sheer lace panties that quickly solved my dry mouth.

"What do you think?" She asked me.

I nodded still unable to form any useful words.

"Good. Now you." She said.

I hesitated just long enough for her brow to arch with interest. "Do you not want to do this? Its okay if you don't." The words were right but she spoke them while running her hand down the side of her rib cage then slowly over the top of her panties. My eyes followed the movement and I realized right away that I wanted to see what was underneath those panties.

"No, it's okay. I've just never gotten undressed for anybody before."

She smiled. "It's okay, come to me, I'll do it for you."

I stood up and took the few short steps to her. She didn't waste any time unbuttoning my already half unbuttoned sweater vest. She took more time with my white shirt, carefully taking her time on each button careful not to loose eye contact with me.

With my shirt and sweater unbuttoned she carefully pulled them off my shoulders and tossed them to the floor. I stood in front of her in my bra, my nipples rock hard with anticipation. She ran a finger over the smooth fabric covering my breasts and stopped when she reached my nipple. I moaned with excitement and like an alarm she pulled her hand away quickly.

My plaid skirt was next. She got down on her knees and unzipped it, tossing it into a pile with my shirt and sweater. I hadn't worn tights today. Instead choosing to wear a pair of green knee socks that Quinn didn't bother with. My underwear didn't match. I was wearing black panties and a plain white bra, hardly the sexy outfit Quinn was wearing. She didn't seem to mind though. She hooked her thumbs into the sides of my underwear and gave them a tug. They only went down a few inches but it felt like my security was suddenly stripped away.

I'd never asked Quinn if she'd done this before but when her mouth kissed the skin directly below my belly button I let the subject drop. It didn't matter. I moaned again but she didn't pull away.

"That's what I want to hear. Tell me what you want me to do."

I had no idea what I should say. This was all new to me. I'd had dreams about us in bed together but it was mostly cuddling and kissing. I didn't have any points of reference to work from. This was the furthest I'd ever gone with anybody. Boy or girl.

"Keep kissing me." I said softly and unsure of myself.

She tugged my panties down a few more inches and her kisses followed. These kisses were different, more intense. Her tongue ventured cautiously below the line she was holding with my panties. I had the sudden urge to yank them down all the way but chickened out. She'd think I was some sort of pervert.

"Tell me you want me to kiss you some more. Tell me it's okay." She said. It sounded like an order and I was more than happy to comply.

"Kiss me some more. Everywhere." I finally managed to tell her.

"Hmm. Everywhere?" She asked. "You naughty girl. If you want me to kiss you everywhere you have to lay down." She pulled away from me giving me room to climb into bed. She watched me for a second then flicked the lock on my bedroom door.

She walked over to the bed and climbed in beside me. The first thing she did was reach for my bra. "Can I?" She asked as she grabbed the clasps in back.

I nodded yes sheepishly.

She pulled it off without much trouble then kissed me between my breasts. My heart fluttered but she didn't let up. She made a long line of kisses down my abdomen and I felt as if my heart was going to explode out of my chest. I could feel myself tightening up the closer she got to my underwear.

"Everywhere?" She asked me.

There felt like a lump of coal was stuck in my throat. "Everywhere." I managed to make out. She didn't hesitate this time, there was no inch by inch game being played with my underwear now. She grabbed them and gave them a slow yank down leaving me completely naked and vulnerable.

She ran her hands up my inner thighs making my body jump with anticipation. When she reached my folds I bit down hard on my bottom lip. I was wet, almost dripping, or at least that's how it felt and I closed my eyes, suddenly embarrassed knowing she knew what it was and what it meant.

"Wow, somebody loves me." She said playfully.

Her joking eased my shame and I let a smile cross my lips. "A lot."

"Tell me what you want me to do again. Kiss you?" She asked.

"Kiss me." I repeated suddenly much braver. My horny teenage mind taking over. My common sense had lost out to my hormones.

"Everywhere?" She asked again.

I nodded. "Everywhere."

Quinn at least had the decency to cuddle with me afterwards, she let me lay in her arms until I fell asleep. I woke up after an hour feeling like a pervert. I'd never expected losing my virginity would be so emotional. Every nerve of my body was on fire. My mind was going in a thousand directions but my head was cloudy and dazed. I'd always heard that the first time would be awkward and clumsy. I'd been told that boys needed practice. Did that mean girls didn't. Quinn didn't need practice.

"Look babe, I have to skate." She suddenly told me. Her voice was distant and she sounded distracted. It was how I imagined people spoke after one night stands. Look, babe, I got an early meeting but this was fun. "I got Cheerio's in the morning I have to get home." My heart panged in my chest. Ouch. She pointed to her lips and ordered me to kiss her.

I felt awkward with the demand. I wanted to kiss her but I hadn't brushed my teeth. I hadn't brushed my teeth, and not fifteen minutes ago I'd had my mouth in places that were now making me blush just thinking about them. I ignored the thoughts and planted a kiss on her.

"Will I see you tomorrow at least?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "Maybe." She was out of bed and getting dressed again. "I may get tied up with Santana and Brittany after school, we're going to Breadstix."

I wanted to tell her to invite me but I chickened out. "Will you call me?"

She was already zipping up her Cheerios top. "Sure. I always call you babe."

"Do you love me?" I asked, suddenly needy.

I expected her to laugh at me and walk out the door with her grin. She grinned but she didn't leave. Instead she shook her head. "I didn't say all that just to get you into bed Rachel. You're so silly." She walked over to me and kissed me on the cheek. "Get some sleep. I'll let myself out."

She was out of the door and down the stairs in seemingly record time. I heard her car start in the distance and when she pulled out of my driveway I realized she hadn't answered the question.


	2. Chapter 2

I didn't feel any different. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to look different now that I was no longer a virgin. Wasn't I supposed to look more like a grown-up? When I looked at myself in the mirror that night I was the same old girl I was that morning. Nothing had changed.

Okay that wasn't true. Plenty had changed. Last night I'd opened myself up to another person. Completely and in the most intimate way. It felt like a life changing experience for me. Quinn had done things to me that shattered my idea of romance and rebuilt it in her own beautiful image.

I was surprised at her ability to so thoroughly talk me out of my pants. Nothing about yesterday screamed romantic but somehow a few kind words, a slow dance, and she had me buck naked in bed doing my best to not let my fathers hear me calling out her name. It was a good thing they slept heavy and didn't hear us. If they had they'd done their best to keep breakfast this morning casual and not at all awkward. Then again my dads wouldn't confront me on the issue. They'd more than likely enlist the help of Ms. Pillsbury the school counselor and her endless stream of pamphlets to do their dirty work for them.

In spite of this horrid possibility I left for school the next day in great spirits. My friend Tina Cohen-Chang was waiting for me at my locker dressed in a black leather skirt with matching black tights and a black 'Born 2 Lose' tee shirt. On her hands were black leather gloves with missing fingers, and around her neck she wore a variety of black crosses and a something that looked like a dragon's head.

"Rach where have you been?" She asked. Her usual stutter was gone. Tina stuttered sporadically leading me to believe it was intentionally done to seek attention like her clothes, or worse psychosomatic. She didn't think I noticed possible deception but I did. When she got excited the trait faded in and out. The more complicated the word the less likely she was to stumble over it which I'd learned through a little bit of internet research was the complete opposite of what real stutterers did. Being a good friend I never brought it up.

"Home." I told her answering her question about my previous whereabouts. It was a strange question. I was here the same time I got here everyday. I was nothing if not punctual.

"Rach, Santana Lopez is looking for you." Tina told me. The eagerness of her tone relayed the importance of the words. Santana Lopez was Quinn's second in command. She was one of my main tormentors until Quinn had taken an interest in me ten months ago. She was beautiful despite Quinn's claims that she was merely pretty, she was mean, the meanest person I'd ever had the misfortune of meeting, and she was far and away the smartest person in school. She not only maintained a perfect 4.0 grade point average but she was extremely witty. She threw out some of the most hilarious zingers. Even when they were aimed at me I had to keep myself from laughing sometimes.

"What does she want?" I asked her. The concern seeping pitifully out of my mouth. One of Santana's more unfortunate traits was her quick temper. She seemed to constantly be getting herself into fights these days. When Quinn wanted discipline meted out she sent Santana. She was the enforcer. Having her looking for me couldn't be good.

Tina shrugged. She wouldn't know. Santana probably didn't know Tina existed and if I knew Tina she wanted to keep it that way. Santana had been torturing me since fifth grade and I couldn't remember one instance where Tina Cohen-Chang, my supposedly best friend, had ever come to my defense.

I didn't give Tina a chance to freak me out with her cowardice. I ditched my bag in my locker grabbed my books for my first period class and ran off. As long as I was in class I was safe. I wasn't sure what the fiery Latina wanted but I wasn't eager to find out. The one thing I knew about myself was that I wasn't a fighter. Standing up to Santana would be brave but it would also be foolish. I'd most likely end up getting my rear end kicked.

I managed to get through two whole classes without incident. I'd seen Quinn once in the hall and she'd given me her usual blank stare. I ducked my head and shuffled off. Five seconds after seeing Quinn I ducked into the bathroom to check my face. My cell went off and I dug it eagerly out of my pocket, it had to be Quinn. Nobody else sent me texts during school hours. My friends were much too studious for that.

The screen name came up Lucy. Quinn's real name was Lucy but nobody knew that little bit but of information but me. She'd told me to program the name in my phone with her phone number so nobody would know we were speaking. I wanted to tell her this wouldn't actually be an issue, nobody looked through my cell phone, but I kept my mouth shut. I pulled up the message and immediately blushed when I read it.

_Does somebody still love me?_

My mind flashed back to last night when she'd put her hands between my legs and felt my excitement for her. Instead of making some crude comment about how wet I was she playfully commented that 'somebody loved her'. Oh my god was she sending me dirty messages during school hours now? It was all so scandalous. What if somebody found this? I quickly typed a response.

_Not until this very second._

She texted me back right away.

_I wanna see you again tonight. I'll get a place after school where we can go. We'll have total privacy. _

I didn't want to be her booty call and had to put my foot down.

_I don't want to be some booty call._

She ignored the comment.

_You in or out?_

I wanted to cry.

_In._

I'd just demoted myself to booty call status.

(Later)

I spent the next few hours in a daze. Quinn and I were dating, kind of, seeing her and giving her sex wasn't a booty call. By the time I went to gym class I'd all but convinced myself I was doing the right thing. There was nothing wrong with being intimate with my girlfriend when her physical needs crept up. It was flattering that she was thinking about me.

"Hey Rupal. You been avoiding me?"

My stomach did a flip. Santana had found me. What was she doing in here? Was she even in gym this period?

"Hello." Was all I could manage to say.

She walked over near where I was sitting and straddled the bench next to me. "Hey."

"Hi." I repeated nervously.

She looked around the locker room making sure we were alone and with the comfort of somebody who knew me intimately brushed the hair out of my eyes. The gesture threw me off balance and I forced myself to stare at her.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She smiled. I couldn't ever remember seeing her smile before. She had a pretty smile. "Nothing. I've been looking for you today. Did anybody tell you?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. I didn't do anything to you. So if your going to beat me up I'd at least like a twenty four hour reprieve to mentally prepare myself."

Twenty four hours was more than enough time for Quinn to back her off. Dating the school's most popular girl wasn't all bad. Even if she kept me locked in her pocket she did offer me some luxuries most of the students couldn't provide. Nobody bothered me. Well she and her friends did but that didn't count. She told me yesterday it was a secret handshake.

"I don't want to beat you up. I was wondering what you were doing later. Brittany's out of town visiting her grandparents and I'm going to have the night free. I was wondering if you wanted to do something."

Wait. What? "Something like what?"

She didn't blink. She was serious. "Dinner. Movie. I know you like musicals. I heard you sing back in Glee club before coach Sylvester had it disbanded. Maybe we can go see that High School Musical or something."

I wanted to laugh. High School Musical? "Why? I'm sure you have other friends."

"Who says I wanted to be your friend?" She smiled at me and let me know she wasn't asking as a person interested in being my friend. She was asking me out. Was she a lesbian? Since when? Were all the popular girls at this school closeted lesbians?

"Are you asking me out?"

She reached over and patted my thigh. I'd already changed into my ugly gym uniform and she took the opportunity to fondle my bare skin.

"Would you say yes if I were?"

I didn't know what to say. I loved Quinn, Santana was gorgeous but she wasn't the kind of girl I ever saw myself being comfortable with. She scared the crap out of me.

"If I were a lesbian I would." I said. Quinn had drilled into me a thousand times that I should never admit to being gay. She said it would be akin to committing social suicide.

"Come on Berry I know you like me. You think I'm a hot piece of ass right? Why wouldn't you want to tap this? Why don't I come on over and show you a good time later. I won't tell anybody. I'm lonely."

I steeled myself and swallowed hard. "You're beautiful Santana. I think you're very attractive and if I were into girls I'd definitely consider going out with you. But I'm not. Besides you and Brittany are friends right?"

"Britt and I are none of your business." Her tone swung on a dime and she was suddenly freaked out and furious. Homophobia, I could spot it anywhere. If she were a homophobe what the hell was she doing hitting on me? There was something wrong here. She was up to something. This didn't feel right.

"I like boys." I told her. "But I am flattered."

She scoffed at me and pulled herself off the bench. "Loser." She threw at me like a flaming spear.

Like a curtain had been drawn back on the room a parade of girls came out from around the surrounding lockers. Quinn and the aforementioned Brittany were among them. Looks like she wasn't visiting her grandmother after all. I knew it.

"I told you she wouldn't fall for it Quinn. Not even Berry's this stupid." Santana said. When I locked eyes with Quinn my heart broke in my chest. This was her idea. Why would she want to humiliate me like this? How could she be so cruel to me? Especially after yesterday.

I bit my lip as my eyes began to water. She stared at me expressionless before directing the girls out of the room. "Everybody go away." She ordered, she watched them all leave then took a few steps towards me. "Rachel." She called out to me softly in her I'm sorry voice. I was extremely familiar with that voice.

I was off the bench and walking away before she could reach me. "Thirty eight." Was all I said as I disappeared into a bathroom stall.

(After School)

"I was helping you. I don't know what you're so pissed off about. I did you a huge favor and all you're doing is giving me shit for it. Those girls wanted to do a lot worse to you and I got them to do something I knew you could think your way out of. How many times have I told you never admit anything? Can't you see I helped you?" She shook her head with anger. "No, you don't care. You only care about yourself. Poor Rachel and her thirty seven tears."

It was classic Quinn. _I _was overreacting. _She _was the innocent victim falsely accused. She'd met me in my driveway after school and cornered me before I went into the house. She was totally beside herself with anger. I couldn't believe it. After the crap she'd pulled earlier she was angry at me. Suddenly I was the bad guy.

"Don't you dare blame this on me. You and your friends tried to humiliate me. What if I had told her okay? What would have happened next?" I asked.

She didn't like this question. Her eyes seemed to darken. "What do you mean what if you told her okay? Were you thinking about going out with her?"

I shrugged. "She's pretty." I'd never have gone out with Santana but Quinn didn't know that.

"And she's my best friend. And you're my fucking girlfriend. You're not going out with anybody but me. I won't allow it."

She won't allow it? "You don't own me. I can do whatever what I want."

She stared at me, her face a mask of anger and confidence. "Yeah I do own you. That ass of yours is Fabray property. And you will not be going anywhere with anybody besides me."

How dare her. "I'm not your property."

She seemed to think things over in her head then her face went slack and she sighed deeply. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said that. Of course I don't own you. You can do whatever you want. But what I'd like is for you not to speak to Santana again."

"Ever?" I asked.

"At all." She said. The fact that this was a drastic overreaction seemed lost on her.

It wouldn't be hard in any case. Santana and I weren't friends anyway. "Fine."

"Rachel the idea of you with anybody else makes me sick. The thought of you kissing somebody besides me, touching them like you touched me, doing with them what you should only be doing with me makes me want to throw up. I may have said that you were mine but its only because I love you." She reached out and stroked my cheek. "I love you and I thought you loved me. Don't you love me? Why would you want to be with some other girl?"

I folded like a cheap tent. "Of course I love you. I'd never cheat on you. You heard me say no to Santana."

"If you love me then show me how much. Come with me."

Is that all it took? A flash of her smile and a few sweet words to sweep me off my feet? God am I pathetic or what? I nodded defeated. I couldn't say no to her. Wouldn't. I wanted to be with her. I wanted to show her how much I loved her. If that meant I had to swallow my pride occasionally then so be it.

"Okay. Let's go."

(At the hotel)

I'd never seen her so relaxed. Quinn wasn't the type to let her guard down. She was tense, she was constantly looking over her shoulder and even when we were locked in my room I got the feeling she was expecting something unexpected to happen. It could be taken as her being uptight. I just liked to think she was cautious. It was more than caution though, it was fear. It was always there, lurking in the shadows like a monster hiding under the bed.

That's why seeing her this way was so awesome. I'd never seen her this relaxed before. It was almost as if she was able to block out the things that normally hung over her head. It made sense. We were tucked in a hotel room miles away from any place familiar. There were no familiar faces, no familiar places, just the two of us like she promised. I still had no idea how she'd managed to score us this place. Hotels didn't normally rent rooms out to seventeen year old girls. Yet here we were.

She was in her underwear again. Pink polka dots this time. Pink panties that hugged her curves perfectly and made my mouth water with anticipation of seeing her naked once again. She had a bottle of some cheap liquor in her hand as she danced around the room singing off beat at the top of her lungs.

"They be like Quinn. WHAT! Can you teach me how to Dougie? You know why? Cause all these bitches love me."

I wasn't sure how she wasn't spilling booze all over the floor as she Dougie'd around the room singing along to the Cali Swag District. Truthfully I didn't really like rap too much but suddenly this was my favorite song in the world. She looked so sexy dancing, hips shaking, body gyrating around the room. It could have been the fact that she was half naked but I really wanted to jump her bones.

She was drunk off her behind but it was fun to see her letting loose. "Get up here and dance with me baby." She told me. I declined the invitation and she didn't force the issue. Instead switching topics with lighting speed. "I am soooo gonna put it on you tonight. You just don't even know. I called your dads and told them you were spending the night at my house. My mom thinks I'm with some random girl from the Cheerios." She took another swig of her alcohol and nodded. "As a matter of fact you should be getting undressed right now because I'm gonna make you scream my name tonight baby."

I laughed at her drunken debauchery. I was already in my underwear even though she was so drunk she probably didn't even notice. With my luck she'd be passed out in minutes and this whole night would have been for nothing. In any case it was the most exciting Friday night I've had in a long time. I'd otherwise probably be home watching TV with my dads.

A loud series of knocks hit the door causing me to jump out of the bed scrambling for my clothes. Who in the world was that? My dads? Did they follow us here? The hotel manager? Were we making too much noise? Quinn's cell phone was a decent MP3 player but it wasn't loud enough to bother the current lodgers was it? I scrambled to wrap my skirt around my waist and cover myself. Unfortunately drunk Quinn didn't have the same reservations. She stumbled over to the door yanking it open without bothering to get dressed.

"What the hell do you want? I'm trying to get my freak on in here." She asked whoever was on the other side of the door. If I wasn't so horrified I'd have laughed at the absurdity of her behavior. Quinn wouldn't be caught dead behaving this way. She was going to be so angry when she sobered up.

"Hey!" She screamed loud and excitedly. "I'm having a party and I'm about to get my freak on." She turned away from the door to face me as I continued to fumble with my skirt. "Hey come see who it is. You'll never guess." She said. It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me. She stumbled towards me grabbing me tightly by the wrist. "Come see."

I tried to fight her off but she was stronger than me. Even drunk I was no match for her. "Quinn send whoever that is away. Don't let them in." I told her. "And put some clothes on."

"Too late." I heard somebody say. When I heard the voice I knew right away who it was. Santana Lopez was a lot of things but stupid wasn't one of them. She was inside the room with her sidekick Brittany trailing behind her before I had the chance to slam the door.

When her eyes met mine I saw a smile creep across her face. I could see her putting the pieces together in her head. Brittany was standing near the door her hands covering her mouth totally in shock. The secret was out.

"I don't believe it." Santana said. "YOU?" She asked me. "YOU!" She was shocked. "You're who's she's sneaking around with? I thought it was Puckerman."

I tried to throw her off the scent. Quinn would know what to say if she wasn't bombed. "It's not what you think. There's a perfectly normal explanation for this."

Brittany began to laugh. "I'd like to hear it whatever it is."

I'd never really gotten to know Brittany Pierce. She was simply Quinn and Santana's dimwitted friend. I didn't know much about her but what Quinn told me. From what I was told she was an excellent dancer and apparently wasn't quite as dumb as she pretended to be.

"Me too." Santana added still smiling. "Explain to me why you two are hiding out in a hotel room dancing around in your underwear. And I'm pretty sure getting your freak on is universal slang for knocking boots."

I turned my attention to Quinn looking for some sort of assistance but the music changed and she was back to drinking and dancing. Fergie's London Bridge was playing now and Quinn was really starting to entertain herself. Brittany pushed the door shut and began to dance along with her. Quinn shoved the bottle of booze towards her friend and Brittany took a long swig.

"I like this Quinn much better than the old Quinn." Brittany announced to nobody in particular.

"Did we interrupt something Man-Hands?" Santana asked.

Before I got a chance to respond Quinn was in my face. Her voice dropped to a whisper. Or at least what she thought was a whisper. "You're not supposed to talk to her. Ever. You promised. I'm not gonna let her get your pants off. You're all mine. Santana's okay but she'll steal you away from me. I can't let that happen. I love you too much."

"Aww." Brittany said from across the room. "You guys are so cute."

So much for denying things with a simple explanation. "I know." Was all I could say to Quinn but she had already lost interest.

Santana looked around the room and began to shake her head. "I agree with Britt. I like this Quinn so much better too."

(In the morning)

I woke up on the bed with Quinn's arm wrapped around my waist. Santana and Brittany were snuggled up on the floor under a couple of mattress sheets. Brittany's clothes had come off almost as fast as Quinn's. She was a lot more fun than I thought she'd be. She kept the mood light and fun and whenever Santana had the urge to say something mean Brittany reigned her in. Once they were both nice and drunk they were making out in a corner like we weren't even in the room.

They weren't the run of the mill high school girls either. They were familiar with one another. They knew what each other liked, special spots that drove the other crazy. They were definitely more than meets the eye. This clearly wasn't the first time they'd made out.

"What the hell happened last night?" I heard Quinn ask. She was awake. This should be fun. I bet she didn't remember a thing.

"You got wasted."

"I know that much." She peeked under the bed spread and realized she was still wearing her underwear. "Did I pass out before we had the chance to do anything fun?"

I nodded. "It's okay."

She looked around the room. "It's early right. We have at least until noon. I'm game if you are."

She wasn't serious. "We can't."

She pulled away not angry but certainly not happy with my refusal. "Why not? What now?"

I motioned to the floor with my head. "What about those two?"

Her head snapped around like lightening. I could see her face drain of color when she spotted her friends cuddling on the floor. We'd gone through the trouble of traveling a whole town away and somehow her friends had still found us.

"What the hell are they doing here?" She whispered to me.

I shrugged. "I don't know they're your friends. They just showed up last night. I think they thought you were hooking up with Noah Puckerman. They may have tracked us down."

She rested her head on my chest. "Fucking Finn. I'm gonna kill him."

I had no idea what Finn Hudson captain of the football team had to do with anything. Did he tell them where we were? How did he know?

"What do they know?" She asked me. Her face was cold and serious. She was back to the tense and careful Quinn.

"Everything. You told them everything." I admitted. There was no use in lying about it now. It was pretty obvious.

She pulled away from me and began to shake her head. "Get dressed. We have to leave."


	3. Chapter 3

I felt her warm breath against my neck just as she began to nibble my ear. Her soft hand fondled me beneath my Hello Kitty pajama bottoms as my heart beat furiously in my chest. She pulled away from my ear and asked me for the fifth time to say her name. I held off defiantly with a firm no. She giggled at my rebellion and I whimpered as she slipped two fingers inside me.

"Say my name. Say I love you Quinn." She instructed me. Her voice still playful and light.

"No." I said softly.

She began to move her fingers back and forth inside me. Slowly at first then with more intensity. My head was suddenly swimming. I didn't know which way was up. My body was a ball of nerves. Every flick of her wrist was like an explosion to my insides.

"Say my name." She repeated.

I relented, my strength and will power gone. "Quinn." I forced out between breaths.

"Say it again." She repeated, her fingers still teasing me with rhythmic thrusts.

"Quinn." I called out. My excitement was getting the better of me because I called out her name at an almost yell.

"Yeah, that's so sexy. I like it when you scream for me. Say I love you Quinn."

I obeyed her order like I always did. Something about what she did to me made it impossible for me to withstand her demands. I'd never felt this way before. The intensity was off the charts and I closed my eyes tight and prayed that we could stay this way forever.

(Later)

It was getting late and Quinn was still asleep. It was close to eight thirty and when she'd come over she told me she had to be home by nine before her mother returned from her aunt's house in Spencerville.

I dreaded waking her up. She was so peaceful. She wasn't snoring but I could follow her breathing as the constant breaths lulled me to a near Zen like state. She hadn't bothered to get dressed after our romantic tryst. I'd covered her with a blanket earlier when one of my dad's knocked on the door and asked if we were okay. I knew without a shadow of a doubt they'd heard us this time. I was sure to get a lecture about my behavior when she left for the night.

After she dropped me off on Saturday morning I didn't hear from her again until today. She hadn't returned any of my calls until this afternoon. When she finally called me back all she said was that she was coming over. Once she showed up she took me by the hand and drug me upstairs to my bedroom. There was no talking but it didn't matter. I had a strong feeling that I knew what she wanted.

There was no explanation for her disappearance for the last twenty four hours. It was like it never happened as far as she was concerned. I spent all of last night wondering what I'd done wrong. Since we'd became an item I'd never gone a day without hearing from her. She texted me every night before bed religiously. Last night's absence scared me. I'd worried all night about her and the state of our relationship. Was she mad at me? Was she lying face down in a ditch somewhere? In the hospital? I had no way of knowing.

It wasn't until I saw her that I figured it out. She wasn't mad at me, she was hiding. Hiding out from her reality. She was trying to avoid the fact that two more people in the world knew the truth about her. Quinn was clearly a scared closet case. She didn't want anyone knowing about her sexual orientation. In her mind anybody knowing the truth was a disaster. The realization that her two best friends at school knew the truth about her, about us, had scared her to death. Instead of talking to me about it she shut me out and shut herself down. Locked herself away from the world and hid like a child cowering under a bedspread hoping the evil closet monsters went away.

Yesterday on our way back to Lima after our impromptu hotel party she'd driven us home in absolute silence. Every attempt I'd made at striking up a conversation was met with a glare. The situation didn't seem that grave to me. Brittany and Santana had spent half the night making out, clearly they wouldn't out her to the rest of the school. To do so would be foolish and Santana Lopez wasn't foolish. She wanted people to know the truth about her about as much as Quinn did. When Quinn dropped me off at home she didn't even say goodbye. She simply drove away.

"Quinn. Quinn honey it's time for you to get up. It's eight thirty." I said giving her a quick shake.

She mumbled incoherently and began to pout.

"Quinn. Wake up."

Her pouting intensified and when I reached out and stroked her cheek she began to cry. Not the whimper of a child dreading getting out of bed after a long weekend. She cried real tears. Tears that I knew she'd have never let me see if she were awake.

I sat on my side of the bed in shock. Did people do this? Cry in their sleep? Why was she crying? A nightmare? Quinn never showed me her emotions. Well none of them but anger and lust. Vulnerability, pain, joy? These emotions seemed to be sorely lacking from her everyday arsenal.

I reached out for her and gently gave her another shove. "Quinn honey wake up."

She practically jumped out of bed. The movement was so fast it startled me. Her eyes were red and wide, face morphed in a frozen fixture of confusion. She looked around the room as if she were waking up from a coma.

"What?" She asked. I could see in her face that she was confused. She looked lost.

I climbed out of bed closing the distance between us quickly. I wrapped her in a tight embrace and pulled her close to me. "You were having a nightmare." I told her.

She let me hold the hug for a second before she pushed me away sending me rear end first back onto the bed.

"Get off me. Just leave me alone." She scrambled around the room for her clothes. She threw her white sleeveless dress on and slipped into her black flats and bolted from the room, snatching her purse off the nightstand on her way out.

I wanted to chase her, find out what her problem was but I was still in my underwear. I heard footsteps making their way up the stairs and rushed over to my door slamming it hard and locking it. I had to get dressed. My dads catching me in my underwear wouldn't be easy to explain.

"Rachel." My dad Hiram called out to me. "Rachel your father and I would like to speak to you please."

Oh lord, here it comes. "Just one second daddy." I said as I scrambled around the room for my pajama's. Quinn had pulled them off me and discarded them across the room on the floor. In the distance I heard her car door slam shut and her engine fire to life.

"We'll be waiting for you downstairs." My father said.

Great. Perfect end to the perfect night.

(Five minutes later)

The second I sat down at the dining room table I knew my goose was cooked. My fathers were both sitting impatiently waiting for me with anxious faces and their most tense posture. I could see the seriousness of the situation in their silent glares. They looked like they were about to defuse a bomb. A quick scan of the table in front of me relayed a few disgustingly inappropriate pamphlets. _Daddy's little girl is getting it on with girls! _And_. I'm a shower peeper, does that make me a lesbian? _

I wanted to scream. They had gone to speak to Mrs. Pillsbury after all. Lord, couldn't they have found somebody outside the school to speak to? The last thing I needed was that flake of a school counselor asking me questions. As soon as Quinn got wind of this she'd go ballistic.

"Daddy. Dad." I volunteered bravely. I couldn't hide. If I tried to hide and lie they'd no doubt deem me too immature to make my own decisions.

"Sweetheart first thing we need to say is that we don't want you to feel like we're coming down on you because we aren't. We love you and we want to see you safe and comfortable inside your home." My father Leroy said.

I took an internal deep breath and waited for the other shoe to drop. There was always a but with parents. The first thing was always soft and reassuring, the second intrusive and controlling.

"We aren't going to ask specifics but seeing as how you and Quinn are starting to get serious we think it's time to set up some ground rules." My father Hiram said. He looked completely uncomfortable and out of his safe zone. Growing up he'd spoiled me rotten in the arts and despite my growing female stature he refused to accept the fact that I was no longer his little girl. I was now a woman.

"Daddy Quinn and I are friends." I said. It was the only thing I could think to say about us. If I told them she was my girlfriend they'd expect us to do girlfriend things. The one thing I knew about Quinn was that she didn't do girlfriend things. At least not with me. She didn't come over and watch movies with me. We didn't go out to dinner on the weekends or catch movies on Saturday afternoons. Trying to explain the dynamics of our situation to them would prove too painful and confusing.

"Rachel. We're not blind." Hiram said.

"Or deaf." Leroy added.

I could feel my face turning red. How totally humiliating. Did they actually hear me moaning out my girlfriends name in ecstasy? I wanted to crawl under my bed and die.

"Daddy, I can totally understand how what's going on may be misconstrued as inappropriate. But I'll have you know that Quinn and I are simply very good friends. Over the course of the past few months we've grown really close. Our friendship is in fact vital for my development as a healthy young woman."

There you go Rachel, play the girl card. One of the perks of being raised by two men was that they weren't always clear on what was normal girl behavior and 'strange' girl behavior. I'd gotten away with murder simply by claiming PMS and cramps in the past. My poor fathers were genetically predisposed not to doubt me. Men hardly ever did. They were raised to take a woman at her word when she claimed to have female issues related to menstruation.

Leroy began to shake his head. "Rachel honey once again we aren't going to go into specifics. We want to honor your privacy. However we want you to read these." He shoved the pamphlets across the table to me. "And from now on we're asking for an open door policy when Quinn visit's the house."

I expected as much. There was no way they were going to let the two of us get intimate in my bedroom without trying to stop it. I'd have lost respect for them if they hadn't tried. On the other hand just because they were right doesn't mean I was going to fold without a fight.

"This is fundamentally unfair. Since when did this house become a dictatorship? Theoretically if you were right about me and her then my home is one of the few places I can entertain without fear of violence and ridicule. You two, my parents, should understand this more than anyone."

"Sweetheart we aren't saying Quinn can't visit. She's welcome here now more than ever. We'd just like to lay some ground rules down. Intimacy and physical relationships are extremely taxing emotionally, and we think you may be a little too young to engage in these types of decisions." Hiram told me.

How utterly insane. "That's just crazy talk." I told them. "You're going completely overboard here. I have half a mind to run away to escape this Stalinist oppression."

"Rachel your behavior and temper tantrum are proving our point."

I crossed my arms in defeat. "Fine. If you want me to prove it to you I will. I take exception to these insulting insinuations about my maturity. Not only that I abhor these rules, but in the spirit of being a good daughter I will follow them. Once I've proven my responsibility after a respectable amount of time I'd like to revisit this conversation."

They looked at one another and had one of their classic silent debates before they both nodded in unison. "Okay. Six months."

Six months? That may as well be a lifetime. With no other play but to agree I decided to play along. What else could I do? I had no idea how I was going to explain this to Quinn. She didn't like change. When she came over and I told her we had to sit in my room with the door open she'd go nuts. This was going to be a pain in my rear.

(Monday at School)

The second I got to school Monday morning I knew something was wrong. People were staring at me. Nobody stared at me. I wasn't the kind of student who elicited stares from my peers. Sure they sometimes called me names, and there had once been the occasional slushie thrown in my face but I was never the source of gossip and whispers.

Tina was waiting for me at my locker again and judging by the look on her face I could tell she was all set to fill me in on what I missed.

I didn't understand what was going on. Had the other students somehow found out about me and Quinn? How would they have done that? Tina didn't look disgusted. That was a plus. Maybe things wouldn't be too hard. If she stuck by my side, I could manage. One supportive friend was better than nothing I suppose.

"Rachel why didn't you tell me?" Tina asked as I spun my lock and opened my locker.

My breath caught in my chest. Here we go. "What was I supposed to say Tina? She told me not to tell."

Tina shook her head. "I hate that girl so much. She told you not to tell but she blabbered it all over Facebook last night."

What! She talked about it on Facebook? What in the world was she thinking? Did she have some kind of brain transplant? Surely this couldn't be my closeted lover Quinn Fabray. Something had to have come over her.

"What exactly did she say?" I asked cautiously.

Tina stared at a couple of football jocks as they walked by whispering, no doubt about me. One of the boys was the subject of her latest obsession. A tall thin Asian boy named Mike Chang. According to Tina they were destined to be soul mates because they were both Asian and shared the same last name. My internet research had revealed Chang was an extremely common last name. The equivalent of Jones or Smith in America. I kept this to myself so as not to crush her hopes of hooking up with a boy totally out of her league. Who was I to discourage her? I was dating the head cheerleader, albeit it was secretly it still counted.

When the boys passed us Tina regained her composure and refocused her best friend efforts to console me. "She told everybody that they tried to get you to admit to being a lesbian on Friday."

Oh, well I guess that did make more sense than Quinn coming clean and telling the world the truth about us. As much as I hoped she would one day I knew it was a pipe dream. Opening herself up to ridicule wasn't in her DNA. Opening me up to ridicule was totally fine it seemed.

That darn Santana. "I can't believe it. I saw through her little charade right away." I said lightly. "This is hardly the type of thing kids should concern themselves with. As if I'd be stupid enough to fall for such high school shenanigans."

Tina was staring at me slack jawed. Okay, actually denying it would be helpful. I decided ambiguity would be my friend. I didn't want to hide, at least not from Tina. She was my friend, or at least she was supposed to be. I wasn't going to lie to her about a fundamental truth about myself. I liked girls and wasn't ashamed of that fact. I may not be ready to shout it from the rooftop of Lima City Hall but it wasn't going to go away. It was a part of me. Tina could take this as her first hint. Yes Tina Cohen-Chang I am a lesbian. Deal with it!

"I don't know what you ever did to Quinn anyway." Tina said clearly ignoring my mental declaration and subtle hint. She was as blind as a bat. "Did you run over her dog or something? Why does she hate you so much?"

Wait what? Back the truck up? Did she just say Quinn did this? Quinn, I knew was capable of many things. She was randomly mean to me for a variety of reasons. In the grand scheme of things this wasn't even that bad. Of course she'd spread the rumor, she'd actually been the one to come up with the plan in the first place. Unfortunately I wasn't at all surprised it was her and not Santana who was spreading the story.

"Who knows Tina. Remember in Glee club when she tried to push me down the stairs. She's emotionally unstable." I said.

It felt naughty bad mouthing Quinn. I loved her to pieces but somewhere underneath it all I thought she may actually be a bit unstable. Her moods flip flopped on a dime and she made no effort to show anyone any empathy. My friend Kurt Hummel, the school's only openly gay kid, had once reasoned she had something he called 'Gay Rage' which was amplified by her all around soullessness. I asked him what 'Gay Rage' was and he explained it was when gay's were unusually cruel to the objects of their same sex sexual attraction. According to Kurt it usually presented itself as homophobia.

"I would imagine with her bonehead boyfriend she wouldn't have enough time on her hands to bother you." Tina said.

The words made my jaw go slack. Boyfriend? What boyfriend?

"Quinn has a boyfriend?" I asked, doing my best to hide the hitch in my voice as I did. If Tina heard it she didn't let on.

"Yeah, Finn Hudson." She said.

Finn Hudson, the same Finn Hudson she threatened to kill for leaking the location of our supposed to be romantic rendezvous spot. This couldn't be right. This had to be a mistake. Quinn was clearly gay. If she wasn't she was a darn good actress. What would she be doing with some boy? And Finn of all people? He was handsome in a high school boy sort of way. Kind of a dolt. Santana even calls him Frankenteen which I think is hilarious. Even if she wasn't gay I doubted he'd be her type.

"Oh." Was all I could say without giving myself away.

I decided I wasn't going to believe it. It wasn't true. How could it be? Quinn wouldn't do this to me. She'd done a lot of things but she'd never cheated on me. The likelihood she'd out of the blue start now seemed small. It was probably more high school nonsense.

I collected my things spent another minute or two casually talking to Tina then head off to class. My first period class was across the school. Usually I took the long way around so as not to run into Quinn and her circle of minions. She told me seeing me first thing in the morning made her uncomfortable and asked me to make myself scarce. Out of love I agreed.

The cheerleaders and Jocks usually camped out in the science hallway before school. I decided to satisfy my curiosity by cutting through. I didn't expect her to speak to me, that would be asking a lot, but I did hope to at least see her. Seeing her and Finn together but not together would be enough to remind me why I subjected myself to such abuse. I was her one and only. She'd said so on many occasions. She'd even gone so far as to claim me as her property, which was completely offensive in a cute way.

I took a deep breath as I stepped into the hallway. I saw the usual kids lurking. Dave Karofsky, Tina's dreamboat Mike Chang. Azimo Adams, Noah Puckerman. I spotted Santana and Brittany standing by a bank of lockers applying makeup to their already flawless faces.

Brittany saw me first. I watched her eyes widen with what I could only guess was uncomfortable shock and watched her arm reach out to grab Santana. She leaned into the Latina and whispered something softly that caused Santana's head to whip around like a boomerang.

Santana turned to me locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity then I watched as a smile crept across her face. I could actually see her eyes brighten and begin to dance with excitement. Brittany who was standing next to her tried to take a step away but Santana grabbed her by the wrist and shook her head.

All this happened in a matter of seconds and I tucked my head and continued down my path. I could feel Santana's eyes on me and in the distance I heard Brittany speak.

"I could have made it San." The blonde said. She sounded sad.

"That is not our problem Britt. We have our own problems. Number one being getting out of here before Fabray sees us."

I heard lockers slam and the sound of quick footsteps retreating down the hall. I gathered my courage and leveled my eyes to the crowd. Standing not twenty feet away I saw her. I found her looking much like I expected her to look, distracted and lost in her head. But what I didn't expect to see was some meathead jock's arms wrapped around her. Finn Hudson, captain of the football team and stereotypical high school celebrity was standing with his meaty paws wrapped around my girlfriend. Even worse she seemed not to mind. They looked comfortable that way.

It was true. How long had this been going on? She was messing around. With a boy. I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach. It took me a second before I realized I wasn't walking. I was standing in the middle of the hallway, completely out of place staring at the two most popular kids in school. It didn't take long for somebody to notice.

"What are you doing Berry move it or lose it? Don't think because we're both two hot Jews I won't shove you in a locker for a few minutes on principle." Noah Puckerman teased. Once he found out I was Jewish he'd started being semi nice to me. Of course he threatened to do any number of mean things to me but he never actually followed through with any of them.

I turned to lock eyes with him realized I was standing in the middle of a game of hallway football and quickly pinned myself against a locker so he could jog by. A football flew inches in front of my face and I traced it's trajectory back to Dave Karofsky.

"Dude, that almost hit her in the face." Puckerman said. His voice wasn't angry but I knew him speaking up about it meant Dave's actions were unacceptable to him. Boys were a lot more up front about things than girls. Boys yelled and screamed and punched and settled everything in an afternoon while girls back talked and plotted against one another for months. Unfortunately his loyalty was lost on me.

In the distance I heard the voice and knew it was Quinn. "Let me go." She said harshly.

I looked up just in time to see her pushing herself away from Finn who despite the angry dismissal didn't seem to mind the treatment. In fact he was so engrossed in a conversation with another boy he didn't even notice it.

I watched her stalk me, eyes zeroed in like a scud missile. I didn't know what to do so I turned around and walked away as quickly as I could. When I turned the corner safely out of her vision I ran. I didn't stop running until I got to my car. I climbed in the backseat, laid down and for what felt like the hundredth time since we'd started dating, I cried.

It was at that moment that I made the decision. I deserved better. I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't want to be with her anymore. The relationship made me feel bad and I was tired of feeling bad. I dug out my phone and typed a message that scared the crap out of me.

_I want to break up. _I pressed send and turned the power to my phone off. I closed my eyes content to pull myself together and start my day over. Solo.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapters. I know this story is sort of a downer but please be patient while I excise a few demons. I promise to give Rachel a happy ending.**

Since I was already late for first period I took the opportunity to get myself together. I camped out in the backseat of my car until I heard the second period bell ring in the distance. I'd stopped crying almost immediately after I sent the text message to Quinn. Afterwards I fixed my makeup and decided it was time to face the music.

I hated breaking up with her over the airwaves. It was tacky. Unfortunately I knew any conversation we had wouldn't go smoothly. Quinn was likely to get angry at me and the last thing I needed to do today was face her down and attempt to explain myself.

How had I gotten this way? How had I become this person? In the beginning things were so good. She was so sweet to me at first. Attentive and charming. She listened to me rattle on about Barbra Streisand for eternity. She smiled excitedly as I sang her favorite song. She told me I was beautiful. She was sweet. She looked at me with passion and for the first time in my life I felt important. I even saw fireworks the first time we kissed. It was quick and only a soft peck on the lips but it felt like the most important thing in the world at the time. Now look at me. I was hiding in my car doing my best not to let anyone see me cry over her.

I ducked into my second period class oblivious to the stares I was still getting because of Quinn's Facebook comments about me. People were staring and for the first time in my life I wished I was invisible. I wanted to go home but leaving school would only raise questions and I didn't want my father's to know that my life was falling apart. I'd just gone on a rant about how mature I was and shucking my responsibilities to cry in my bedroom wasn't very mature.

Five minutes into my second period class Quinn pushed through the door and locked eyes with me. Her gaze was defiant, cold. I could tell right away that she didn't feel like I did. She hadn't spent the last hour crying like I had. She hadn't spent any time wondering why she was with me. She looked like she had all the answers, the same way she always did.

"May I help you Ms. Fabray?" My Social Sciences teacher Mr. Collins asked her.

She turned slowly and handed him a hall pass. He looked it over quickly and turned his attention to me.

"Ms. Berry Principal Figgins would like to see you." He informed me.

I sighed. I knew Principal Figgins didn't want me. This was a Quinn ruse to get me out of class. I didn't want to go. No good would result from me being alone with her.

"Mr. Collins I hardly think missing this lecture will be good for my academic future." I told him. It was lame but extremely Rachel Berry-ish. None of the other students even blinked when I spoke the words. They expected me to say things like this. If I wasn't so distracted by my situation with Quinn I'd have sunk my head in shame.

"I think your academic future will survive Ms. Berry. In any case I'll make sure you get today's assignments."

The corner of Quinn's mouth lifted and her face softened just enough to let me know she was proud of herself. Defeated, I pulled together my things and rushed out of the classroom. She was on my heels in seconds and before I had a chance to get away she grabbed my forearm tightly.

"You can't hide from me Rachel. I'll keep coming for you until you talk to me."

I turned to face her but didn't speak. We were still in the middle of the hallway. The last thing I wanted to do was cause a scene. Best case scenario I'd start crying again. Worst case we'd out ourselves to the whole school.

She kept a tight grip on my arm and started dragging me down the empty halls behind her like a puppy on a leash. My heart began to pound. I had no idea where we were going. For all I knew she was going to drag me to the school's boiler room and push me into the furnace. A rush of panic washed over me. I didn't want to go with her. I couldn't go with her. I knew she didn't plan on killing me but whatever she had planned for me wouldn't be good. I knew it in my proverbial 'gut'. I did the only thing I could think to do, I put on the brakes and stopped walking.

"Rachel come on." She told me. Ordered me was more like it.

"No. I'm not going with you. I don't want to. I'm done with this." I told her.

Her eyes bore into me and instead of insisting I obey her she pulled me towards a nearby door. A bathroom. Great. It may as well be an MMA octagon.

I didn't resist. She wasn't going to quit until we talked and I didn't have the energy to fight about where we were going to have our fight. I followed her into the bathroom and watched as she checked each stall for company.

"Quinn why are we here?"

Once she was done checking the room for spies she pulled her phone out of some hidden compartment in her Cheerio's uniform.

I could see the anger finally come over her face. This was the Quinn I'd been waiting for. The Quinn I'd been expecting. The angry, take no prisoners HBIC.

"What the hell is this?" She asked holding her phone out to me. My text was front and center on her screen.

"A text." I said softly.

"I know it's a goddamn text What does it mean?" She asked. I could hear the indignation seeping from her tone. She really didn't understand.

The text was self explanatory but telling her that was no doubt going to make her even angrier. "Quinn I don't think we should see each other anymore." There I said, now all I had to do was stick to my guns.

Her anger seemed to disappear instantly. Her defiance and confidence struck down by my words. "What? Why?'' Her voice was shaken, her confidence shattered. She sounded afraid.

I didn't know what to say. She looked so confused. So gentle. How could she be this clueless? She was playing me, she had to be. She knew what she did. She knew why I was upset. Didn't she?

"You're mean to me. You're mean to me and you cheated on me with a boy."

She began to shake her head. "No. No, that isn't real. You know that isn't real." Her voice was pleading. "You can't break up with me because of that. Not over him. I hate him."

She closed the distance between us and grabbed my hand. When she interlocked our fingers I felt a twinge of something in my stomach that reminded me that I loved this girl. She meant the world to me. I wanted to be with her. I loved her. I know she loved me in her own way. Somehow that had stopped being enough.

"It's not just him Quinn."

She began to shake her head. "I'm sorry okay. I'm sorry for what I did, whatever it was. I don't want us to break up. I love you." Her eyes were red and she began to cry. "You still love me right?"

My heart broke. She was crying. Over me? Was I making a mistake? Quinn never cried, now I'd seen her do it twice in twenty four hours.

Quinn didn't let up, not a bit. With her tears flowing she pressed me hard for an answer. "You love me don't you Rachel. You said you did. You told me you loved me and you made me have sex with you. I was a virgin before the other day." The tears started to flow harder. "You took advantage of me Rachel."

Panic set in. "No. That's not true. I do love you Quinn. I didn't take advantage of you. You initiated things. We made love to each other, I didn't force you into it. You know that."

She began to sob harder now. "You can't just break up with me. You won't even tell me why. This isn't right. You're supposed to love me. Your supposed to love me and make me feel safe and you never do."

What? "I do love you." What did she mean I was supposed to make her feel safe?

"No you don't. You never want to talk to me. All you do is complain and tell me how terrible I am. You've made me cry too but you don't care. You've never asked me how I feel about our relationship. All you want to do is talk about what I do wrong. All you do is judge me."

Was that true? Did I complain all the time? Did I make her feel like a bad person? Is that why she was so distant?

"Quinn I do care how you feel. You say I don't want to talk to you but that's not true. You don't want to talk to me. You shut down whenever I try to get to know you."

She shook her head, tears slowing, sobs easing. "No that's not true. You don't try hard enough. I always listen to you. I know everything about you. I know all the things that make you smile, all the things that are important to you."

I didn't doubt that. Quinn was nothing if not thorough. She noticed everything and forgot even less. She was like a sponge.

"I know." I admitted.

"See, you know how much I love you. I do nice things for you all the time. I buy you pretty things. And give you gifts to make you feel special. But you don't do anything for me. When's the last time you've done something nice for me?" She asked. She'd closed the distance between us and brought my hand to her mouth. She kissed it gently.

I'd worn the sweater she bought for me on her birthday and had wore my hair the way she liked it. Besides that I was drawing a blank. Oh my God was she right? Was I a bad girlfriend? If I was a bad girlfriend how could I expect her to be a good one?

"All you do is talk about yourself. You don't ask me any important stuff." She suddenly pulled away from me angrily. "What do I want to study in college?"

Oh Lord, I know this one. Uh, uh. OH, I know! "Real estate."

She crossed her arms across her chest. "No. I want to study business management but I said I'll probably end up selling real estate because nobody believes I can do it. Not even you. You don't even care enough to pay attention to my dreams and goals."

Son of a belly dancer. Business management, I knew that.

Quinn walked over to the sink and stared at herself in the mirror. "There are so many things I want to do that I can't. I want to go places and do things too Rachel. You talk about going to New York after high school and you've never once included me in those plans. All you care about is going to Broadway and leaving me behind."

Oh my god she was right. I was just as bad as she was. Maybe worse because I never listened to what she said. She listened to everything I said. Even if it was just to use it against me later. There was never any doubt she was paying attention to me when I talked.

"Why do you want to break up with me? Tell me what I did wrong at least." Her steely Quinn façade was back.

I wavered. I wavered just enough to give her an advantage. She left her place at the sink and walked over to me and ran her hands through my hair.

She asked me again. "Tell me what I can do to make this better. You know how much I love you right?" She leaned into me and kissed me. It was the first time she'd ever showed me any kind of affection at school. I liked it. I kissed her back.

As much as I wanted to stay mad at her I couldn't bring myself to. "I love you too." I swallowed hard. "I want you to break up with that boy. I don't want to share you."

She smiled. "Done. I am officially Rachel Berry property. What else?"

This was my opportunity. I had to get it all off my chest. "I don't like being your secret. I want you to take me places."

Her smile washed away and I thought she'd say no. Instead she nodded. "Like a date. You want us to go out on dates?"

I bit my bottom lip and nodded. "Yes."

"Okay, what else." She asked me.

Nothing like putting me on the spot. "I want you to be nice to me."

She smirked at me. "Define nice." She rested her arms on my shoulders. "Tell me what you want specifically."

"I don't like it when you do mean things to me. It makes me feel bad."

She nodded. "Okay. I won't be mean to you at school anymore." She stared at me and waited for me to say something but I had nothing else.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could manage to say.

She nodded. "It's okay. All couples have fights. I just want to make sure you know that I'm not taking any of this lightly. I'm going to be better for you, you'll see."

"I know." I said. I wasn't sure if it was true or not but I know she at least understood my concerns.

"So we're back together. We're not broken up anymore?" She asked me.

I wanted to be strong but I wasn't. I was weak for her. Her smile was like a drug. Heroin to my lonely love starved veins. I couldn't stay mad at her. I needed her. Plus she promised she'd be better now.

"Yes. We're back together."

She smiled, letting the excitement show on her face. I could see joy in her eyes. "Good. I'm coming over after school so we can celebrate."

Oh darn. I forgot about my dads new rules. "My dads heard us last night. They gave me rules. We can't be in my bedroom with the door closed anymore."

She didn't seem to care. Not one bit. "Let me worry about your dads baby. I'll fix everything."

I had no doubt she would.

(Lunch)

By lunch time I'd calmed down considerably. The rest of the day slowed down and the hours passed without much excitement. The kids were still staring at me but I could handle that. Stepping into the lunchroom however was awkward. Kids were laughing and pointing at me. This was different, what in the Sam Hill was going…

My mind froze as I felt the liquid pour down over my head. Oh my God, did I just get slushied? What in the world was going on? I wasn't getting slushied anymore.

"Berry I have been waiting for a year to do that. When Quinn told us this morning that she was done torturing you I jumped for joy. I knew she'd eventually get tired of making you her personal whipping post. I told Karofsky it was just a matter of time before she moved on to somebody else."

I couldn't force myself to turn around and look at Azimo Adams. I didn't have to. I could picture his wide happy grin in my mind. I could remember his eager grin like it was yesterday. It was a look I'd never forget. Sheer unadulterated joy at my humiliation.

"At first I thought her idea that we choose one kid each to torture instead of the whole school was a terrible idea. I mean I got stuck with that Sunshine Corazon girl, she wore a damn rain coat to school everyday, took all the fun out of it. But now Rachel Berry you are all mine." He leaned into me and gave me a what felt like a playful kiss on the cheek. It sent a shiver down my spine. "Me and you are going to become really good friends."

(After School)

I suffered through the rest of the day in a blue stained shirt. It had been so long since I'd been slushied I no longer kept spare clothes in my locker. I was forced to walk around with a constant reminder of my misfortune. I couldn't believe it. I was being slushied again. By Azimo no less. He was a complete ogre. At his nicest he was worse than Quinn at her meanest.

When I sat down in my car I checked my phone and saw that I had gotten a text from Quinn.

_:( Sorry!_

Was she serious? She was sorry. Was that all she had to say? I ask her to stop torturing me and she gives me this instead. Sorry. What about, I'll fix it Rachel. What about, I'll make sure it never happens again.

I was snapped out of my angry haze by a knock on my window. Brittany. Brittany Pierce had never taken the time to speak to me. We'd hung out once last weekend but even that wasn't on purpose. Having her here waiting to speak to me was odd to say the least. I rolled down my window my eyes never leaving her. With the type of day I was having I half expected her to throw something in my face.

"Hi Rachel." She said, her chipper tone was not at all lost on me. Brittany always seemed to be in a good mood. Then again why wouldn't she be? She was tall, pretty and popular. Not only that but she had a really hot girlfriend.

"Hello Brittany." I returned.

She frowned suddenly. "I'm sorry about lunch. I wanted to try and get you but Santana wouldn't let me switch. I have Kurt and he does Santana's hair before school everyday."

I nodded. "It's okay Brittany."

"Azimo isn't very nice. He's going to slushie you every Monday."

Great. "Only on Monday?"

Brittany nodded. "Yeah. Quinn said we can only do it one day a week tops because it gets expensive." She looked around. "Why did you make Quinn switch? Quinn would have never slushied you."

"She was mean to me Brittany." I said. It should have been obvious, she was there for all the stuff Quinn was doing. "Yeah but no more than she was to anybody else. She couldn't just leave you alone. She had to do stuff. Santana said the popular kids have to be mean to the not popular kids." She leaned into the car and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Besides Quinn loves you. She said so the other night. She already went through hell because she never slushied you. People already thought it was weird."

Really? She was getting trouble from her friends for not being mean enough to me? That's exactly what she told me the other day outside my house. She told me that she was helping me and I didn't even care. Is that what she was talking about?

Brittany started to look around again. "I have to get to Cheerio's but you really should try to get Quinn to take you back. I don't know why she switched but things are going to get worse for you. You should apologize. Azimo's really mean. I heard he made Sunshine dress like a cowboy one day."

I didn't know how to respond to that. A cowboy? That just sounds insane. I look terrible in Denim. And as for taking Quinn back as my tormentor? I wanted to laugh. I should apologize? Me. She tortures me, and cheats and I'm the one who should say I'm sorry. This whole thing was totally ridiculous.

"Thank you Brittany." I said. I'd had enough of her advice.

"Don't be mad at me but we can't be friends at school. San said we can hang out with you outside of school with Quinn but at school we can't be your friend. I like you Rachel and I know it's mean but Santana thinks it's best and she always knows what's best. She protects me. I have to listen to her."

I understood. We can be friends, just not at school. On the weekends when nobody knew. Not out in the open where people could see. It was familiar. It was exactly what Quinn said.

(At Home)

I stepped into the house feeling like I'd just completed a heavyweight boxing match. My head was pounding furiously, my heart beat even harder. I wanted to get to my room, lay down, and pretend today never happened.

My father Leroy was home early from work and when I stepped into the house he called me into the kitchen. I wanted to ignore him but I didn't have the heart. I knew he'd be worried when he saw the slushie stains on my shirt.

"Rachel you have a huge surprise." He told me as I stepped into the room.

Sitting in a vase on my counter was a huge bouquet of roses.

"They're for you. From a certain pretty blonde. She dropped them off about an hour ago."

Quinn. She had brought me roses. How sweet. "They're beautiful."

His face scrunched up with stress. He closed the distance between us, his brown eyes staring at me, his face suddenly concerned. He rested a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"She told me about your fight. She told me how you asked her to be more attentive to your feelings. I didn't realize you guys were going through so much. She told me how you really expressed yourself and put your foot down. She said we should be proud of you."

I laughed. Really. "She said that?" That didn't sound like Quinn at all. Quinn hated it when I put my foot down. She wanted me under her thumb. Easily controlled and quiet.

He nodded. "I asked her if you put up a fight when she laid out her list of requests." He looked at me closely his face showing something I wasn't familiar with. Was he angry?

"What did she say?" Knowing Quinn she could have said any number of things to make me look ridiculous.

"She said you never asked. She said you went through this whole list of things you wanted from her and when you were done you just walked away. She said you wouldn't even entertain the idea that you were doing something wrong. She seemed upset by that. Hurt even."

Wait, that wasn't true. I did want to know what her issues were. What in the world was happening? Did she come over here and tell my father how terrible I was? How dare her. "She said all that?"

My father started to shake his head. "Now don't get mad at her. I practically had to beat it out of her. She begged me not to say anything. She said you'd be upset with her if I told you. She actually admitted that you broke up with her earlier today and she was terrified you'd change your mind if you thought she were complaining. She asked me if she could come over and make dinner for you later. Me and your father are actually going to make ourselves scarce tonight to give you some privacy. I'm going to meet him downtown and we're gonna have dinner and see a movie. We'll be home by eleven."

I didn't know what to say. Had she set herself up to be the victim? I sounded totally unreasonable. She made me sound like a crazy dictator. When she told me that she would take care of things with my dads I hardly expected this. I hadn't expected her to come to my house and talk to my fathers. Not only that but she'd come over and told lies on me.

Well, not exactly lies. I hadn't asked her what she wanted me to do better. My mind went over our blowup in the bathroom. She had to ask me what I wanted changed. My mind was so focused on things being over I had never set forth any kind of ultimatum. She made me tell her what my issues were then willingly offered to change them. She asked me and I told her and didn't return the favor. She was telling me the truth in that bathroom when she said that she thought I was selfish. Everything she said about me was a fact. I was selfish. I hadn't asked what she needed. I hadn't asked because I hadn't cared. I only cared about myself.

"Rachel the most important part about being in a relationship is communication. It's good that you know how to stand up for yourself but nobody likes a selfish person. You need to talk to her. I get the feeling Quinn is a bundle of nerves and she wants to open up to you. I don't think you're doing a good job of listening to her."

His words stung as they reached my ears. All the complaining I'd been doing these past few days, was it possible I was just as guilty? Was it possible she wasn't that bad but I was?

"Daddy I need to go shower." I told him.

He didn't try and stop me. "Okay. We're going to talk about that stained shirt of yours. I thought we were done with that."

'I love you." Was all I could say as I crept upstairs to wash away today's pain and sorrow.

(8:45pm that night)

"You see. You see how bad things are when we don't work together. All this time we were happy and you break up with me and everything goes to hell." Quinn told me. We were laying in my bed. She'd come over earlier and made dinner like she promised. We ate in silence before Quinn took me upstairs to my bedroom and shut the door, defiantly skirting my fathers rules.

"I love you Rachel. Nobody can love you like I can. Nobody will ever make you feel as good as I do. I know I messed up but you can't just break up with me like that. That's not fair. All the time we've invested in this relationship, you can't just throw all that away."

She began to stroke my hair, her fingers sliding effortlessly through my long brown mass. She'd been at it for twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of I love you, and we need each other. I didn't dispute it. We'd tried it my way and things hadn't gotten better. They'd only gotten worse. I was back to being a slushie target at school, my dads thought I was a selfish screw up and I realized for the first time in my life that I was self absorbed and selfish.

"Tell me you don't want to throw all this away. Tell me that you love me." She insisted.

"I love you."

She nodded an approval. "Good. You know how much I love you right? To the moon and back. It's going to be me and you Rachel. Me and you until the end of time. You have to trust me. Trust me that everything I do I'm doing for a reason."

I didn't have the strength to argue with her. I didn't know if I actually could at this point. Everything she'd told me had been proven true. Everything she said so far had come out like she said it would.

"I trust you." I admitted weakly.

"Of course you do. Now. Now you finally see that you need me right. You need me and I need you. You have to let me love you. Let me love you the best way for both of us." She laid her head on my shoulder. "Did you like dinner?"

Dinner was delicious even though I didn't have much of an appetite. She was a wonderful cook. I didn't even know she could cook vegan dishes. "Yes. Thank you for cooking for me."

"What about your flowers? You liked them too right?"

"I loved them. They were lovely."

She kissed me on the cheek. "I'll fix things with Azimo for you if you want. I'll fix it so things will go back to normal at school. I know I said I won't be mean to you anymore but you see it's necessary now right. You see I have to make you hurt now right." She kissed me again. "It's only because I love you. Nobody loves you like me."

I sat in silence. Was she offering to take me back at school? Things hadn't really been that bad had they? She said mean things, and did things to make me look bad but it was because she loved me. It was so she could protect me. I could live with that.

"Okay. But only if you promise not to pour slushie on me." I said finally relenting.

"Never. Nobody will pour slushie on you. You're mine Rachel. I won't ever let anybody hurt you. It's me and you." She told me.

"Me and you." I repeated.

"Until when?" She asked.

"The end of time." I answered knowing it was exactly what she wanted to hear.

"Good, now we need to celebrate our love. We don't have much time." She didn't wait for me to answer before she started to loosen the belt on my skirt. "I know I've made you hurt but let me show you how good I can make you feel. Let me show you how much I love you."

All I could do was say okay. My heart hurt too much to say anything else_._


	5. Chapter 5

When I woke up the next morning there were two books on my nightstand. Couple Skills: Making your relationship work. And, How to be an adult in a relationship: Five keys to mindful loving. My first instinct was to be embarrassed. My dads realized I was a terrible girlfriend. On the other hand they loved me, they loved me enough to buy me books so I could improve myself. Self improvement was the Berry way and I'll be darn if I was going to let myself fail. I could turn this around. I was going to show Quinn that I was the worlds best girlfriend in training.

I spent my morning on my elliptical machine, showered, dressed, applied my makeup, tidied my hair and decided to be proactive. I grabbed my phone and sent Quinn a text. If she thought I didn't take enough of an interest in her then gosh darn it I was going to prove her wrong.

_Tell me one thing about you that you've never told anyone else._

I smiled, proud of myself. That should stump her for at least half the day. Perhaps if I made the questions so hard she'd get tired of answering them and give up. That would be ideal.

Oh my goodness, I'm doing it again. It's been less than one day and I'm already looking for a way to avoid dealing with her feelings. What in the heck is wrong with me? She's right. I'm a terrible girlfriend.

As if that wasn't enough my phone chimed with a message. The screen flashed Lucy. Quinn. I brought up her message and to my horror she already had a response. It didn't even take her a minute. I'd be stumped for weeks with that question. Then again I was chatty.

_I have nightmares. I've had them as long as I can remember. They scare the crap out of me. _

I wanted to call foul. I knew this already. She was just here the other day and she had a nightmare. That shouldn't count. On the other hand this is probably the first time she's ever admitted that out loud. Telling her it wasn't good enough would just reinforce my bad behavior in her eyes.

_You should tell me about it. It might help._

_Yeah, maybe _She sent back.

Confident I'd made a good first step I head off to school with my head high.

(At School)

School went exceptionally smoother today. I got a frustrated glare from Azimo in the hallway. I could tell by the almost sad look on his face that he was thinking about what could have been. I did my best not to gloat. Gloating would only result in my own misfortune. Wasn't that the quote? Self glorification upon completion of a difficult task will cause a man to fall back into misfortune. Was it Gandhi who said that? No not Gandhi, that's in the I Ching.

I found Tina waiting for me at my locker, again. Today however she wasn't alone. Standing with her was another girl from our now defunct Glee Club. Mercedes Jones. Mercedes was an extremely talented singer, albeit not nearly as talented as myself, who Tina had befriended last year. Occasionally the three of us got together for girls night out. Of course this consisted of dinner at Breadstix and Karaoke in my basement. It was always really fun but it had been months since we'd done it. I tried to keep my evenings open for Quinn these days.

"Ladies." I said politely. I had no idea what they wanted. By the look on their faces I didn't suspect they wanted to get together and sing Lady Gaga.

"Rachel I was just telling Mercedes how much I miss singing." Tina told me.

I missed singing too. Uploading songs onto the internet after singing them on my homemade basement stage was sorely lacking the pizzazz I needed. I was a performer and performers needed an audience.

"Me too. Although I am sure Lima isn't big enough to house my particular talent."

Mercedes rolled her eyes and I did my best to ignore it. I suddenly found myself missing the point of their visit. Tina must have sensed me getting antsy because she quickly spoke up.

"Well we were thinking about starting a group. You know to sing places. Mr. Schue said he'd help us."

Mr. Schuester was our failed fearless leader. He'd attempted to restart the Glee club until Coach Sylvester squashed him like a bug. As much as I disliked her she was the only person in the school who knew how to win things. Under tutelage such as hers I'd be unstoppable when I finally left this haystack town behind.

"You mean like a trio." I asked. "I supposed any opportunity to showcase my skill wouldn't be a real waste."

Mercedes hands were suddenly on her hips. "Who said you'd be the lead singer. I'm just as good a singer as you."

I laughed. "Hardly."

"See I knew she wouldn't cooperate." Mercedes said.

"Rachel just think about it." Tina said.

I didn't remember saying no. Had I said no? I wanted to sing. I loved singing. Missed it even. Over Tina's shoulder I saw Quinn coming down the hall. She looked in my direction with empty emotionless eyes. How did she do that? Turn everything off?

"I'll think about it. Although if we do sing I must sing lead."

Mercedes rolled her eyes but I was no longer invested in the conversation.

Quinn's eyes bore into me. She looked at me as she walked past and I found myself wondering what she was thinking. A few feet away she stopped in her tracks and I realized what must have been coming. A name, a rumor. Something.

"Rachel Berry." She said. There was ice in the words. Seemingly no love at all.

"Oh God what now?" Tina said softly.

Quinn turned quickly and stared hard at Tina causing her to avert her gaze. "Something you want to say to me Elvira?"

Tina shook her head. "No." She said softly.

Quinn continued to stare the girl down. "Like I was saying. Rachel." She said emphasizing my name. It was her way of telling Tina to shut up and mind her own business. "Seeing as how you're my personal stepping stone again I want you to get your things and come with me."

Come with her where? To do what?

I nodded. "Now?" I asked.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "No. Next week. When your schedule clears up. Of course now."

I didn't want to seem excited. "Guys. I better go. I don't want to make her mad."

"No you don't." Quinn said. "Now collect your crap and come on."

(After School)

Quinn made me follow her around all day at school giving me freedom only to go to class. I stood with her in the popular kids hallway, quietly of course. I sat with her at lunch time, again quietly, but under the table she kept her hand on my knee. I actually liked it. It was fun. Everyone watched me, it was like being a movie star. No wonder the popular kids tortured us to keep their reputations intact. Being popular was really cool. Even though I was just a voyeur I still felt like an actress on Oscar night.

Of course nobody talked to me. Most of the kids wondered why I was even around. The rest of them ignored me. Well all except for Santana. She ordered me around like a butler during lunch. Hey Berry go get me a coke, Hey Berry go warm up this pizza. Quinn didn't let me do any of it thank God. She staked her claim on me clearly and vocally.

"Berry isn't here to serve anybody but me. I want everyone to know she's Fabray property again."

I cringed at being called her property again. It was insulting. As much as I hated it I knew she wanted to prove some kind of point. And since I'd promised to trust her more I did my best to keep quiet.

Noah Puckerman did speak to me. Cordially even. In typical Puckerman fashion he welcomed me into the fold by making a crude comment about getting me into bed. The Puckerman initiation he called it. He was a handsome boy, cute and a bad boy. His Mohawk was pretty cool too. Unfortunately for him boys didn't do much for me. Besides that Quinn really didn't take kindly to his comment. After he made it she sent me away.

When I pulled into my driveway she was waiting for me. I took the opportunity to go run some errands after school since Quinn was at practice. I didn't expect her to be finished before I made it home. When I pulled my car into the driveway she came bounding up the driveway behind me from her parking spot in front of the house.

"Where the hell were you?" She asked. She seemed pissed.

"I had to go to the store." I told her. There were shopping bags in the backseat to prove my point.

She stared at me with skepticism. "Were you with Puck?"

Puckerman? And me? Was she kidding? "Quinn no. I was by myself."

"Why are you all tart-ed up then?"

Did she call me a tart? I'd been called a lot of things but never a tart. I wasn't sure I even knew what a tart was. And since when was I tart-ed up? I was dressed this way all day and she hadn't said anything earlier.

"Don't call me names." I told her.

"Uh, whatever. Then don't parade yourself around in front of my friends. Shaking your ass in their faces. How do you think it makes me feel when I have sit and listen to some boy say how he wants to get your pants off?"

I fought back a comment. The last thing I wanted to do was fight. "Quinn I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

She walked over to me and rested her hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry too. I'm just being jealous. I know you'd never sleep with Puck." Her eyes sharpened. "Would you?" It was the kind of question I know she needed to have answered decisively.

"Of course not. I only want to be with you." I told her.

"Santana invited us over. Me and you and her and Brittany are going to have a party."

This was new. She was willingly taking me to Santana's. The last time we'd seen them she went into hiding for twenty four hours. Now here she was inviting us to hang out with them. Well it was growth at least.

"That sounds like fun." I said.

"I don't want you to talk to him anymore." She said suddenly. I almost didn't understand who she meant.

"Who, Puckerman?" I asked. How did we get back on Puckerman?

She nodded with confidence. "Yes. Puck. I don't like it when you talk to him."

Good Lord, again. The whole school is going to be off limits pretty soon. First Santana and now Puck. "Baby I'm with you. He's a boy. I don't like boys like that. I'm not going to cheat on you."

She pulled away. "So you won't agree?" She asked me.

"Quinn I barely know him. He says hi but that's it."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine. You can have him." She started to storm off.

What? No! "Quinn wait." I chased her down and grabbed her arm from behind. "Okay."

She turned to stare at me. "Okay what?"

"Okay I won't speak to him anymore." I agreed. It was a ridiculous request. Puckerman would probably bed me if he could but he wouldn't actively try. Boys like him weren't interested in girls like me. He needed popular girls to feed his ego. Some no name like me was hardly worth the challenge.

That seemed to ease her fears. She smiled, happy that I'd agreed to her demands. "Good. You don't need some stupid boy. Don't I make you happy?"

"Of course you do." I admitted. She did.

"Good. You don't need anybody but me." She leaned into me and gave me a kiss. A soft kiss that sent my body into a flutter.

I was so locked onto the kiss that I didn't hear the car behind me. Quinn pulled away from me and walked off. I felt the absence immediately. It wasn't until I opened my eyes that I realized somebody had pulled up.

"What the hell are you doing here? Don't you know how to call first?" Quinn was asking somebody. "Or do you just like spying on me?" Quinn didn't wait for a response before she walked to her car and hopped inside. For good measure she slammed the door. Before I could wrap my mind around what happened she was driving off.

My brain kicked into high gear. Tina. It was Tina who was sitting in her dad's Chevy Trailblazer in my driveway. What was she doing here? Why hadn't she called first? Quinn was right. Was she spying?

"Tina what are you doing here?" I asked as I rushed over to her open car window.

Tina looked over her shoulder towards the spot Quinn had just occupied. "What is she doing here? Is she torturing you at home now too?"

Wait, had she not seen us kiss? That was a load off my mind. The last thing I needed was Quinn freaked out again.

"We're working on something for school." I said. Terrible lie.

Tina stared at me in silence then shook her head. "She's not very nice Rachel. You should be careful."

"I'm fine. I can take care of myself." I looked towards my house. "What was it you needed again?" I asked. It was kind of a rude way for me to behave but Quinn had already established I was selfish and rude. And for validation Tina didn't respond to my comment. She ignored my rudeness probably out of habit.

"I was coming over to say hello. I never see you anymore. You never call me, we don't hang out. I called you ten times last weekend and you never called me back. I wanted to hang out Friday night but your dad said you'd gone out with a friend."

The comment hung in the air like a cloud of cigarette smoke. A friend. I know Tina had wondered who that friend was. I didn't have a lot of friends at school, the options were limited. She could ask them all in a matter of minutes and sniff out the truth.

"I had a previous engagement." I said doing my best to sound casual.

"What about tonight. Want to hang out?" She asked.

Darn. "Not tonight. I have something important to do. How about tomorrow?"

She looked at me as if she wanted to protest but didn't. "Tomorrow it is. I'll call Mercedes and we can talk about the group."

I nodded. "Okay." It wouldn't hurt to spend some time with Tina. Have some fun. Talk about singing. I missed singing. To have it so briefly then let it get snatched away was torture.

(Santana's House)

I half expected Quinn to disappear and not come back. I called her after Tina left and relayed the conversation to her and she seemed satisfied Tina hadn't seen her kiss me. Still, she told me that I needed to be more careful where I showed affection.

She picked me up a little while later and we went over to Santana's to hang out. Santana had a huge house, turns out her father was a doctor of some kind and her mother did something with insurance. According to Quinn they were never home and gave Santana and Brittany all the privacy a teenager could ask for. My dads closed door rule wasn't in effect over here.

We walked right into the house without knocking and Quinn excused herself to go to the bathroom. In the distance I heard two voices having an argument. Santana and Brittany I assumed. I made myself comfortable on a nearby sofa and listened in like a stalker.

"San you told me after high school was over things would be different. You said we'd go to California." Brittany said. Her light and goofy 'Brittany' tone was missing. She sounded serious. Serious and upset.

"Britt this isn't my fault. This isn't me looking for a way to break my promises to you. This is Harvard Britt. Harvard. My uncle pulled some strings to get me in. I can't not go. If I go and get a degree from that school it will set me up for the rest of my life."

Brittany made a funny sound with her mouth. "Yeah, the rest of _your _life."

"Britt that's not fair." Santana said.

"What about USC? You said we could go to California so we can be together. I haven't applied to Boston."

"Brittany Harvard is a better school. And my uncle is going to pay for it. I can't say no. I can't say no to a free education from one of the best colleges in the world. And not only that but once I graduate with my bachelor's degree I'm going to apply to the business school. It's like being given the secrets to the universe. If I do well in my classes I can get a really good job making lots of money for us. That way you can dance for as long as it makes you happy. People who graduate from Harvard Business school become CEO's and stuff. I can make millions of dollars for us."

"This wasn't the plan Santana. I was supposed to dance and make us money so we can finally be together. I'm tired of lying and hiding. Boston will just be another Lima."

"I want to go, I have to go Brittany, but I want you with me. I'm doing this for us. If you're not onboard I may as well get a job at McDonalds here in Lima."

Brittany sighed. "I can't just move to the other side of the country with no plans. I won't have anyplace to live. I won't be in school. I'll be in a strange city alone while you're off with your smart Harvard friends."

"Brittany we've saved up like ten grand already right? That's more than enough money to get us a place. And my dad will pay our rent after that runs out. He already said since my uncle's paying for my college I can get an apartment and he'd pay for everything. He has like two hundred grand set aside for my college expenses."

"Yeah, _your _college expenses. That doesn't include me. I'm not his daughter."

"You can be if we get married. They'll let us get married in Boston." Santana said.

"Santana be serious." Brittany said. "We aren't getting married so I'll have a place to live."

"Britt that won't be the only reason. I love you. I was going to ask you anyway when I graduated College. I was going to get down on my knee and ask you to be with me until we're old ladies in rocking chairs. I know we're young but I've been in love with you since the second grade. I'm not just doing this for me, I'm doing it for the both of us. This is the best thing for the both of us. I want to be able to give you everything you want in life. Besides, I applied to Boston for you already. You got in but you'd have to wait until second semester. I told you, I'd never leave you out. So will you be my Brittany Lopez?"

"Of course I will, of course I'll be your Brittany Lopez. Let's go to Boston. I'll follow you anywhere. Boston, Chicago, Mars, it doesn't matter as long as we get to be together." Brittany said.

Oh my God. I felt terrible eavesdropping but how could I not listen to that conversation. As big a bully as Santana was it seemed she was completely different with Brittany. There was love in her voice when she spoke to the blonde. There was vulnerability and fear in what she said to her. I could tell Brittany was capable of breaking the girl into tiny little pieces. I couldn't believe they were going to run off together after high school and get married. They even had money saved up already. My opinion of Santana changed almost instantly. What she'd said was just so, romantic. I knew in my brain getting married so young was foolish but my heart was screaming do it! Something about the way they spoke to one another felt right. I wanted them to do it. I wanted them to run off and get married so they could be together forever.

"Hey what you doing?" I heard Quinn ask over my shoulder.

Somehow telling her what was going on felt like a mistake. I had the distinct impression she wasn't going to be as happy for them as I was.

"Nothing."

"I was thinking. Tomorrow night we should have our first date." She told me.

Tomorrow. I told her I was hanging out with Tina and Mercedes tomorrow. "I made plans with the girls tomorrow Quinn."

She began to simply shake her head. "You get all worked up because I won't take you anywhere and I finally offer and you say no. I mean are your friends going to look out for you? Did Tina make sure you didn't get detention for ditching first period yesterday? No. I did that. All I'm asking for is a little bit of your time and you say no. Fine, hang out with your friends."

Oh darn. "Okay. Tomorrow. Date night."

She smiled. "You'll call your friends and tell them you can't make it?" She asked me.

I nodded. "Yes." She sat down next to me on the sofa and stared at me. "Now?" I asked. She couldn't possibly want me to do this right now. She nodded her response.

"Now." Was all she said.

"When can I reschedule?" I asked her.

She seemed to think it over. "Tell them you'll get back to them."

"Okay." I said a bit glumly. I was just starting to look forward to singing again.

"Oh baby don't be sad. We'll have fun I promise. Just me and you. We can do anything you want."

"Karaoke?" I asked letting my disappointment fade.

"Of course. I love hearing you sing."


	6. Chapter 6

Tina wasn't waiting for me at my locker today when I got to school and I was surprisingly disappointed. She was no doubt angry with me for cancelling our girls night. Not only that but Quinn's suggestion I tell them that I'd let them know when I would reschedule meant she probably thought I was blowing her off.

I got myself ready for class intent to make today a good day despite my misfortunes. I wasn't going to stand around feeling sorry for myself. I was Rachel Berry, future star of the stage and maybe screen. I wasn't going to let this high school nonsense get me down.

My cell phone chirped in my pocket. I recognized the tone of the message. Quinn's tone. I dug my phone out eagerly and checked the message.

_Cheerios, Celibacy Club. Frannie. _

I had no idea what it meant. I figured it was a mistake. That stuff meant nothing to me. I shoved my cell phone back into my pocket and head off to class.

Twenty five feet before I reached home plate I heard somebody call my name. "Rachel Berry."

I knew the voice. Santana. Normally I would attempt to flee but I was comfortable in the knowledge that Quinn's popularity would protect me. As long as she was my personal tormentor the other popular kids wouldn't touch me. And Santana wasn't in the position to make an enemy out of me either. I had dirt on her and she knew it.

I turned to face my would be tormentor. She wasn't alone, they were all here. The whole Cheerios squad. Well almost the whole squad, strangely enough Quinn was missing from the group.

"Rachel Berry, Quinn Fabray has gone on record with you. She's looking to move you up the social ladder from nobody to flunky. As a flunky you'd be under her permanent protection unless she states otherwise. You'd be invited to all the cool parties and introduced to all the cool boys. You would have a one day a week invite to sit with us at the Cheerio's table. And Quinn will begin to personally acknowledge you in the halls."

This could be interesting. Flunky was better than nobody.

"You would be responsible for doing whatever she says, whenever she says. You'll be at her beck and call."

"Okay. Sign me up." I said. Now we were getting someplace. Why hadn't she done this before? It would have made things so much simpler.

"Not so fast there Rupaul. You can't just say okay and be let in. You have to either A pass a fashion test, which you fail miserably. Librarian toddlers should not be sexy. Somehow you manage to dress like a preteen girl and a trashy old lady at the same time." Santana said.

I fought back the urge to giggle at the insult. I saw some of the girls in the crowd give in and crack smiles.

"Or B, you pass a knowledge test about Fabray." Santana stared at me and I could tell there was a hint of eagerness in her eyes. She wanted me to pass this test. "You'll get three questions. One wrong answer and you fail and are stuck in loser-ville for the remainder of the school year."

"First Question." Brittany asked. "What are Quinn's two C's."

My first thought went to breasts but that couldn't be right I was the only pervert here. They wouldn't be asking me a question about Quinn's bra size. Would they?

Okay think Rachel, her two C's. The text. Cheerio's and Celibacy Club.

"Cheerio's and the Celibacy Club." I answered with confidence. She'd snuck me the answers before hand.

"Correct." Brittany said with a smile. A closer look at her revealed she was now wearing Santana's heart shaped necklace. I'd never seen Santana without it until today.

"Okay. Question two." Santana said. "What is Quinn's sister's name."

"Frannie."

Santana began to nod. "Good. Good. Looks like you do have half a brain in that big head of yours."

Did I have a big head?

"Last question. What color are Quinn's eyes?"

My mind searched the text message. She'd only given me two answers. Why wouldn't she give me this answer too?

I could feel the eyes watching me closely. They were waiting and I suddenly wondered if I had a time limit. What color were Quinn's eyes? They were blue, right? She had blue eyes. Blonde hair and blue eyes.

I began to open my mouth to speak but I could see Santana motioning to the wall nearby with her eyes. She was clearly giving me directions and had anybody been standing close to her they'd have surely seen. I could see Brittany's face scrunch up with confusion. She looked confused and I knew what she was thinking. How could you not know this?

"Come on Berry, some of us have stuff to do. Christmas is coming." Santana said. She was using her bitchy tone but her eyes were still motioning towards the nearby wall which was painted green.

"Green." I blurted out. "Her eyes are green."

I could see Brittany let out a sigh of relief. I should have been ecstatic, I was done being tortured at school, I was semi-accepted but somehow I still felt like crap. I didn't know what color my girlfriends eyes were.

"Good, Good Berry. You're correct. You still suck but apparently not as much. Now off you go, we'll see you at lunch time."

(Lunch)

When I stepped into the cafeteria I searched the room for Tina. She wasn't around so I decided to head over to the Cheerios table like Santana told me. Quinn, Santana, and Brittany were sitting at the end of the table not eating lunch as usual.

"Sit down Rachel, relax." Santana told me.

Quinn didn't look at me or speak to me. She didn't look angry but then again Quinn never looked any particular way. She was extremely hard to read. They didn't call her the Ice Queen for nothing.

"Congratulations." Quinn finally told me. "Since you're going to be my slave now I figure we should get to know one another. Maybe we should grab some food just the two of us so I can tell you what my rules are."

All I could do was nod. I had to give it to her. She was brilliant. She'd just given us a perfect reason to be seen together in public. From now on us being seen speaking to one another, or doing something that even remotely looked like hanging out would be totally normal.

"Good. In the mean time I'm going to need another kid to torture. If it's not you it has to be somebody else. I want you to choose who."

Me why me? Why did I have to choose? I didn't want to be the reason somebody get's bullied at school.

"Why do I have to pick?" I asked her.

She looked at me as if I had asked her to explain the Theory of Relativity.

"Everything comes at a price Rachel. You didn't want to be picked on anymore so somebody has to take your place. If you don't want to do it I understand, we can just go back to how things were." Quinn told me. I could tell by the tone of her voice that this particular choice was acceptable, at least to her. She'd love to torture me again I bet.

"Berry pull your pantyhose up and just pick somebody already." Santana told me. This would be easy if I were more of a heartless bitch like her.

"There's a girl in my Physics class that I don't like." I blurted out. "Terri something."

Santana arched an eyebrow at Quinn, a hint of a smile on her face. "I told you."

Quinn didn't respond, she simply took a long sip out of her Cheerios water bottle.

"Everybody's corruptible Fabray. Even Berry." Santana gloated.

(Breadstix)

Quinn picked me up at six thirty and we went to Breadstix for dinner. I had never really been on a date before so I wasn't sure where I should ask to go. Breadstix wasn't fancy, or particularly nice, but it was where everybody went and since we were allowed to be seen together in public I couldn't help but want to show off a bit.

Quinn was quiet. She'd been quiet all day. I was starting to wonder if she were mad at me. If she were I was sure I'd know about it. She didn't keep her anger to herself. This was something else. Something new.

"Is everything okay?" I finally had to ask. She'd been picking through her salad for the past ten minutes.

"Everything's fine." Was all she said. I could tell she was lying but I didn't want to press her about it.

I went back to my dinner not sure on how to proceed. Asking questions had never worked out well for me. She hated being questioned. Still, according to the first chapter of one of the books my fathers bought me knowing there was a problem and not asking what it was is as bad as ignoring it.

"Tell me what's wrong Quinn. You can't shut me out." I pressed cautiously.

"Okay, what color are my eyes Rachel?" She asked. Her face was hard and I could practically see the anger in it. If she had lasers in her eyes they'd be burning a hole through me right now.

Her eyes. I knew that was going to come back to kick me in the behind. "They're green."

"Hazel. And don't pretend to know now, Santana had to tell you."

I didn't have an excuse. There was nothing I could say to defend myself. I was a hundred percent in the wrong. "I'm sorry." Seemed about all I could manage.

"You know all this time I put up with your selfish bullshit because I thought you loved me. But you don't do you? You don't know anything about me?" Her voice was loud and carrying. The middle aged couple sitting across from us began to stare.

"Calm down, you're causing a scene."

She rolled her eyes. "Zero, Thirty-Seven, Nine." She said. "When you threw that stuff in my face it hurt. It hurt like hell. When did I ever throw your flaws in your face? Did you ever stop to think that the reason I never said I loved you was because I was scared? Did you even care? How many times have you made me cry Rachel? Or is it okay to dump me after a year through a damn text message?"

Our waitress began to make her way over to tell us to keep it down. Quinn simply glared at her and the woman immediately backed off. If she weren't ripping me a new one I'd be amazed. That glare could melt ice.

"I said I was sorry about that Quinn." I whispered across the table.

She crossed her arms over her chest. "No, you didn't." She whispered back.

Darn it, I didn't. "Well I'm sorry."

She laughed. "I don't want your pity now. I needed it then. I needed it when you left me crying in the damn hallway like a fool. I know what I did was wrong. I was lying to you but you know nothing would have ever happened between me and Finn. I do what I do to protect myself and I won't apologize for that. I will not go back to being Lucy Caboosey."

Lucy Caboosey? "Did people used to call you that?"

The question seemed to enrage her. "Are you serious? I've told you that. I told you that when I told you my real name was Lucy."

My mind began to search that day. I remembered her telling me her name was Lucy but the rest of it was a fog. I was distracted with something. Oh my goodness she may be right.

"You don't remember do you? Were you even listening?"

I bit my lip. "Look maybe we should talk about this later. Clearly there are things we both need to get off our chest. Maybe we should do this in private." It was as good a ruse as any to get us off the subject.

"So you have more complaints about my behavior." She asked me.

I shrugged.

"What?"

My pride was still stinging from her accusations. I childishly felt that I need to get even. "You're a bit controlling."

She seemed offended by the thought of it. "How?"

"You tell me who I can and can't speak to." I told her. Her demands that I stay away from Santana and Puckerman were fresh in my brain after I spent all day doing my best to avoid speaking directly to Santana.

"That? You're mad about that?" She seemed amazed. Did she not see how crazy it was to dictate to me who my friends were? Did she not know it was controlling of her to tell me not to speak to this person or that person?

"Of course I'm mad about that. What gives you the right to tell me who I can speak to or not?"

"You know what, fine. We'll do it your way. But don't say I didn't warn you." She told me. Something about her tone gave me the willies.

"What does that mean?"

"It means those people are not your friends Rachel."

Okay here comes the jealousy. "What do you think I'm trying to steal your friends?"

She laughed, actually started to laugh, she even covered her mouth to contain her amusement. "Are you kidding? That's what you think that I'm worried about, you stealing my friends?" She began to shake her head, laughter continuing. "They aren't my friends either Rachel. They can't be trusted. Puckerman only wants in your pants and Santana is evil incarnate. Don't be fooled by the Santana you see with Brittany. Brittany has got Santana wrapped around her finger but that doesn't apply to the rest of the human race. Santana is Satan in stilettos. And the first chance she gets to hurt you she will. She'll do anything just so she can have something on you. So she can maintain her place on top. Don't ever trust anything she says. She's always got something up her sleeve."

That wasn't what she said back at the hotel. She told me Santana would steal me away from her and she wasn't going to let her because she loved me too much. She was drunk so I doubt she had the presence of mind to lie to me.

"That's not why you don't want me around her. You're scared she's going to try to get me into bed." I told her.

She shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "What? Why would you think that?"

It was true. I could tell by the way she lost the fire she'd had a second ago. "You told me so, back at the hotel. You told me that she'd steal me away and get me into bed."

She took an awkward sip of her diet Coke. "Fine. That's part of the reason but not all of it." She leaned back in her chair and began to shake her head. "What else did I say?"

"That you loved me and I don't have any idea how much." I told her.

She began to nod. "Right, I do. And if I'm telling the truth about Santana then I have to be telling the truth about my feelings for you."

I couldn't argue with the logic. "Still you can't tell me who my friends are."

She shrugged. "When are you going to learn to trust me? When are you going to learn that I know what's best for us? You act like I'm doing all this to hurt you Rachel. I love you. I love you and without me you'd drown. Nobody cares for you as much as I do, you know that."

My heart began to pound. I wanted to believe her, I wanted to trust her. I wanted her to be telling me the truth but I wanted to run my own life. I was her puppy. She had to learn that this relationship was a two way street.

I heard the pinging of cell phones. Somebody had sent us both messages. I didn't check mine but she did. She rolled her eyes when she read the message.

"It's Santana, your new best friend. There's a party at Puckerman's."

I shrugged my shoulders. "And?"

"And your invited now, you're my flunky. You get invites."

Cool. I'd never been to a cool kid party. "Are you going?"

She shook her head. "No. I promised you Karaoke. I don't have to keep up appearances. Being a member of the celibacy club exempts me from this sort of thing. No good will come from being with those people. I'd prefer to party with people I love and trust to take care of me."

I understood she meant me but was being gracious by not saying it. "We should go for a bit."

"Rachel haven't you heard anything I said? You can't trust them."

"Right because I can only trust you. Because only you love me. Nobody else."

She sighed, seemingly giving up. "You know what. Do what you want. I'm going to pay the check and I'll meet you at the car." She didn't even give me a chance to tell her I wasn't finished eating. She was up and out of her seat and at the bar in seconds. I collected my things and went to the car.

(Puckerman's house)

Quinn didn't speak to me on the way home. I wanted badly to apologize but my pride kept getting in the way. I knew in my head I was right. She was controlling and manipulative. She was stubborn and intent on keeping me under her thumb. But if I didn't stand up for myself I was sure to end up in a terrible bind in the future. I kept my mouth shut and painfully let her drive off without saying goodbye.

I went to Puckerman's house alone. Stepping through the door made me nervous. I half expected the whole party to be a ruse to get me there so they could torture me some more. The whole popular gang was there. Football jocks, Cheerio's, the whole McKinley in-crowd.

It took about a full minute of me standing by the door lost before somebody called out to me. "Berry!" Puckerman yelled. "Berry get in here." He instructed. He wrapped an arm around me pulling me into his body. He smelled like cheap beer and Stetson cologne.

"Hello Noah." Was all I could say.

"Go get yourself a drink Berry. Relax. If you get good and liquored up I'll even let you sing. You like to sing right?"

I was already sold. "I love to sing."

"Good. Go find Lopez and have her make you something." He told me before stumbling off into a mass of teenage bodies and disappearing out of sight.

I found Santana in the kitchen in a chef hat making drinks. Brittany was standing nearby slow dancing with a boy. They looked extremely close, grinding on one another actually, but Santana didn't seem the least bit interested.

"I'm supposed to instruct you to give me a drink." I told her. She smiled when she saw me. The smile gave me the creeps. The only thing I could think about was what Quinn told me earlier, that this girl was not my friend and shouldn't be trusted.

"Berry it's good to see you. Where's your handler?" She asked. Calling Quinn my handler like I was some monkey in the zoo made me cringe. I wanted to respond but the mix of alcohol and my low level status kept me quiet. She was liable to punch my lights out in her liquored up state and Quinn wasn't around to save me.

"Quinn had homework." I lied for her. Despite our fight I didn't want anyone thinking badly of her. I didn't want them knowing she thought of them as ruffians who weren't really friends of hers.

Santana nodded with a smirk. "Still writing that Virgin Mary essay I see."

I didn't laugh. If it had been about anyone but Quinn I'd have thought it was humorous.

"Alright no drinking and driving and no drunk dialing. So cell phone and car keys please."

Okay, I didn't plan on getting drunk but a glance over Santana's shoulder revealed two large bowls. One filled with keys another cell phones. Keys I understood, cell phones didn't make sense. Did they not want anyone getting drunk and calling their parents?

"I'm not going to get intoxicated Santana." I informed her. Maybe this way I'd be allowed to keep my belongings.

"No can do Berry. We don't know you well enough to give you the benefit of the doubt. Last year we let Becky Green keep her phone and the moron called her mom for a ride home and got all of us busted for underage drinking."

Of course. "Well how do I get home on the slim chance I find myself intoxicated."

"We have designated drivers. We even do car drop offs." She said and extended both hands. "You'll get them back at the end of the night."

I nodded in understanding. "Okay." I said handing them over. My cell phone needed a code to unlock so I was sure the secrets I kept inside were safe. Worst case scenario somebody would steal it.

"What you drinking?" Santana said as she dumped my belongings into bowls with the rest.

I didn't know much about alcohol. "Wine cooler?"

She laughed at me. "No grandma, the wine cooler party isn't for another fifty years or so." She began to pour things into a cup then shoved it in my direction. Her smirk was back and I felt a cold streak run down my back. "Here drink a few of these and have a good time."

(Four drinks and 2 hours later)

I wasn't sure where I was but I knew I was lying down. Was I home? How did I get home? It was dark in my bedroom but through my foggy mind I could tell I was still dressed. I reached down and pulled off my shoes. They felt like they weighed a ton.

My head began to spin and I felt my stomach churn. Oh my God, I was going to be sick. I began to feel around for the trash can I kept beside my bed and couldn't find it. I exhaled a few dry heaves and decided to finish getting undressed for bed.

I pulled off my light sweater and pulled off my top tossing them both carelessly to the floor. It wasn't until that moment that I realized I wasn't alone.

"Hey you aren't getting started without me are you?"

The voice startled me. WHO IS THAT? And what are they doing in my bedroom? I searched the room before I found him. Noah Puckerman was across the room, shirt off, boxer shorts still on, thank God.

What was Noah Puckerman doing in my bedroom? A glance to the wall revealed a cold hard truth. I wasn't in _my _bedroom. Where my framed Barbra poster should be there was a thumbtack hung poster of a topless blonde straddling a motorcycle.

I began to panic. Oh my God, Oh my God. What was I doing? Was I in his bedroom? And what was I starting without him? Was he planning on us having sex? Did I agree to have sex with him? If I hadn't what was I doing in here? A thousand different scenario's raced through my mind.

I began to pull myself off the bed but my coordination was off. I stumbled right into his arms as the bedroom door opened.

"Get your fucking hands off her right now Puck or I swear to God I'll gouge your eyes out."

My heart sank. I didn't have to look to know who it was. She wouldn't have had to speak for me to know. The second the door opened I knew it would only be one person. Could only be one person. My luck was too crappy for it to be anyone else.

"Quinn. It's not what it looks like." I began trying to explain.

"Get dressed and let's go." Was all she said to me.

Noah finally decided to let me go and disappeared quickly into a nearby bathroom. Even he could feel the tension.

"Nothing happened I swear." I began again.

"Just get dressed." Was all she said. She didn't leave me however. She stood there waiting for me to get dressed. She probably assumed if she did I'd take the chance to finish up with Puckerman.

"This isn't happening." I told myself. I pulled my shirt back on and fumbled around on the floor for my shoes. Of all the times to be proven wrong how could I end up with this? She was going to hate me. She was going to dump me and never speak to me again. Oh Lord this is bad. This is terrible.

"Quinn I didn't do anything. I don't even know how I got here. I just woke up in this bed. I thought I was at home."

"I guess there's no need for me to apologize after all." Quinn said.

"You have to forgive me." I said.

"Let's just get you home now Rachel. The rest of this conversation can wait."

(Home)

I was sober but Quinn didn't let me drive. Instead she had Santana, who was strangely still sober, follow us in Quinn's car. We had been sitting in my car in front of my house for five minutes but neither of us were talking. I was terrified to open my mouth.

"Look. We both know we were headed here. You think I'm a bitch anyway. Maybe its good that this happened. Maybe we aren't supposed to be together. I'm just so crazy when it comes to you that I don't think straight. I end up sounding like a crazy person and you clearly think I'm trying to run your life. Maybe it'll be good. Maybe you'll find somebody better for you than me."

I didn't understand what she was saying. Was she breaking up with me?

"Rachel I think we should break up. If I were a good girlfriend this wouldn't have happened. I practically dared you to do this. I thought I was doing the right thing for us but I see that I wasn't and if you need more I understand."

My mind began to race. She _was _breaking up with me. In my car, in my driveway.

"Quinn don't do this."

"It's okay Rachel." She leaned into me and kissed me on the cheek. "Don't worry about school. I still have your back." She got out of the car leaving me sitting there feeling empty and alone. I didn't know what to feel. I'd complained about her for days, I'd even tried to break things off. Now I had my wish but somehow it felt all wrong. It didn't feel good. It hurt.

I leaned back into the passenger seat of my car and let myself utter my first naughty word. "Motherfucker."

**Thanks for reading and reviewing. There isn't much left to this story, a few chapters maybe. A lot of people come away from this story hating Quinn but hopefully this chapter redeems her motives in most people's eyes. Sure she's manipulative and mean and totally controlling but maybe, just maybe her heart's in the right place. And maybe Rachel, as much as we love her, isn't the most reliable source when it comes to Quinn's behavior. Doesn't it strike anyone that she's a bit too self absorbed to see things clearly?**


	7. Chapter 7

I had to swallow my pride. I was wrong and there was no way to get around it. I'd done exactly what she asked me not to do out of sheer defiance and it blew up in my face. Finding out you were an inconsiderate jerk was a humbling experience. I was a selfish narcissist and because of that fact I was alone, dumped like yesterday's trash by the only girl to love me whole heartedly.

Quinn told me this would happen. She warned me that those people were not my friends. She told me that they couldn't be trusted, that they'd hurt me. I was just too stupid to listen. Lying in bed last night after the fog cleared I finally remembered what happened. Santana. Santana was behind last night. It was her idea for me to go lay down in Puck's room.

No. I couldn't do that. I couldn't blame her. This wasn't her fault. It was mine. I _needed_ to claim my independence, I _needed_ to prove Quinn wrong, Santana was just being Santana. I wasn't even sure what her end game was last night. Sending me to Puck's bedroom to pass out seemed harmless enough. Unfortunately with boys things were never so simple. Once you introduced alcohol to hormones who knows what would happen. Booze made boys stupid.

I pushed all of that out of my mind. My first course of business today had to be to find Quinn and apologize for last night. Despite what she said I didn't want to break up with her. I loved her. I loved her so much that none of that other stuff mattered. The things that made me feel so smothered and terrible before seemed meaningless now. I needed guidance and direction. I was an artist not a shrink. Being free to make my own decisions clearly would only get me into trouble. I needed to focus on the important things in my life, my family, my studies and my future career. Quinn was right, she was good at this, I wasn't.

I camped out at her locker as soon as I got to school and waited for her to show up. I could see eyes taking me in, watching me. Being Quinn's flunky should have fixed all of this, it shouldn't have been a big deal, me being here, the kids shouldn't be thinking twice about this.

I watched a few of the familiar faces go by. Jocks and Cheerio's, people who had seen me yesterday at Puckerman's party. A few of them even offered nods and said hello. I watched as some of the other kids, the non popular kids, gave me tense smiles and did their best to acknowledge me without speaking. It was weird, I was being watched. People who had never spoken to me before were giving me head nods.

It wasn't until Azimo Adams walked passed me and gave me a wink did I realize what was going on. This was it. This is what it felt like to be popular. At least semi-popular. It felt good. It felt like being a star. I leaned against her locker closed my eyes and did my best to enjoy it while I could because if Quinn didn't forgive me it would all be over.

It took a while but she finally showed up. She looked perfect. Flawless. There wasn't a hair out of place, but there was something wrong. She looked tired. Nightmare?

"Rachel what are you doing here?" Was all she asked as she began to fumble with her locker.

"Are you okay? You look tired." I reached out to grab her hand and immediately pulled away remembering we were at school, standing in the middle of the hallway, with a dozen or so pairs of eyes on us.

"I'm fine." She told me. It was a lie.

"No you're not. Did you have a bad dream again?" I asked her. It was more of a whisper.

She didn't take kindly to it. I could see her get defensive. "Rachel go away." She ordered me sternly. She wanted no part of this today. I knew I had struck a nerve.

"I'm not going away. You need to talk to me." I told her. I was back to being defiant. The same defiance that started all this mess.

"Rachel this is not the place." She said. Her anger had evaporated and I realized for the first time that it wasn't meanness that made her snap at me, it was fear. Was it always fear?

"Fine. I want to see you later." I whispered. "Come over tonight so we can talk."

"I don't think that's a good idea." She said.

"No. No excuses. I want to see you. There are things I want to say and if you don't let me say them later I'll have to say them here in the hallways."

I could see her debating it in her head. I wasn't going to let her weasel out of this. She was going to give me my moment. I wasn't dragging her out of class but this was the best I could do. I had to make her understand that my stupid nonsense didn't change anything. I loved her and I wasn't going to let this go without a fight.

"You told me not to throw ten months away. I'm not going to let you do it either. Just give me a chance. Come see me."

Finally I could see her soften. "Okay."

I couldn't bring myself to smile. I hadn't won anything yet. I got her to agree to come over but I still had to convince her to forgive me. I still had a long road to hoe.

"To the moon and back." I said softly.

She finally let a smile crawl across her face. "To the moon and back."

(Home)

I was pacing the floor the second I heard her car in the driveway. This made a lot more sense in the hallway. What was I supposed to say? I knew my objective, win her back. But how was I supposed to do that? She had absolutely no reason to take me back.

The whole thing was humiliating. Not only had I ignored her request that I not go to the party I'd threw her love for me in her face while I did it. She told me that she loved me and that nobody would love me as much and at the restaurant I threw that back at her like a slap to the face. The weird thing was as much as I wanted to deny it I believed every word of it. I knew Quinn loved me more than anyone else. I knew there was nothing that she wouldn't do to make me happy. Besides my parents she was my biggest supporter.

The sound of her knocking on the door snapped me out of my funk. I took a deep breath and pulled the door open. Okay, keep your head up and sound confident.

"Hello." I said firmly.

Quinn stood on the other side of the door dressed in sweat pants and a Cheerio's tee-shirt. Her hair, which was usually pulled back in a ponytail, was flowing loose over her shoulders. She looked, spectacular. My heart began to race when she stepped through the door.

"Hi," She told me. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"It's okay. I've been waiting. Trying to figure out how we got to this point actually." I told her. I pushed the door closed and walked deep into the living room. "I'm sorry about last night." I said as I began to wring my hands. "I know I was wrong. I know you were only looking out for me."

"Rachel I lied to you. About being a virgin. I wasn't." She told me.

It was the absolute last thing I expected her to say. That day in the bathroom when she was pleading for me to give her another chance she told me that she was a virgin before we made love. I didn't believe her, she'd also told me I'd taken advantage of her. I knew for a fact that wasn't true. She was scared and simply grasping at straws. Throwing things at me to see what stuck. I didn't take any of it to heart.

"It's okay Quinn," I told her. "I forgive you."

She began to shake her head. "No, I'm not looking for forgiveness. I want to tell you the truth. My nightmares. When I said I've always had them I was lying. The truth is I didn't start having them until a few years ago." She made her way into the room and sat down on the sofa. I could see her face turning red, her hands were balled into tight fists and she wasn't looking at me.

I stopped wringing my hands and sat down next to her. "Tell me."

"I was with Noah, we were in my parents hot tub. We started drinking. He swore to me it would be okay. But it wasn't. We ended up having sex. I was drunk but it wasn't rape or anything, just stupidity. I got pregnant." She sighed deeply and began to shake her head. "You're the first person I've told. Nobody knows. I didn't tell anybody, not even my parents."

My head was swimming. Quinn got pregnant? When was this? I'm sure I would have remembered a baby.

"What happened to the baby?" I asked.

"I had a procedure." Was all she said. I let the words linger, knowing what kind of procedure she meant. "I've regretted it everyday since. I have these dreams where these babies cry and scream and call me a killer. I can't get it out of my head. It never changes, it's always the same."

I didn't know what to say. An abortion, Quinn had an abortion? Of course it was haunting her. It wasn't like you saw on TV, it was a real thing, a real decision. It wasn't the kind of thing you did and forgot about in a few days. It stuck with you forever. I didn't have a moral problem with the choice, it was her body, her life, but emotionally the weight of the decision was too much for her to bear. People always seemed to forget that part of it when they had their debates on the subject. Having it wasn't the end.

"I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't be. I made my choices. I made my decisions, I have to live with them. I'm only telling you this because I don't want you to be in the same situation. I love you so much Rachel. I don't want you to have to go through what I went through. Noah isn't a bad guy but he doesn't think about the consequences and if you're drinking neither are you. I'm just trying to keep you safe. And if you have to hate me then so be it. I told you I love you and nobody will love you like I will."

"I love you too and I'm sorry about last night."

She nodded. "I know you are. I know it was Santana. Noah told me she said you wanted to hook up. I know it wasn't you."

Are you kidding? What an evil witch. How could she do something like that?

"What is wrong with her? I never thought in a million years she'd do something like this."

Quinn's eyebrow arched. "Why would you think that? I told you Santana is evil."

It was stupid. "I just figured she had a heart someplace. After the other day with her and Brittany I assumed she couldn't be all bad."

"Of course she is. She's nice and sweet and gentle with Brittany but I told you she's only that way with Britt. She'd do anything for Brittany, Britt's her soul mate. Still, it took her years before she accepted it. She's just now become comfortable with it. The fact that she treats Britt like a queen simply means she understands she needs somebody to come home to at the end of the day. Brittany loves her for who she is, evil and all. She'll never find anybody else like that and she knows it."

I didn't doubt that. "They got engaged the other day. The day we partied at Santana's house. They agreed to move to Boston so Santana could go to Harvard and when they get there they're going to get married."

Her jaw dropped. "Married? What? How do you know this?"

I shrugged. "I heard them."

"You should have told me. That's important Rachel. I could have protected us from her with that." She said.

"How?" It was off topic and hopefully enough to change the subject.

She glared at me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged. Seeing as how I was already in trouble I didn't want to make things worse by telling her the truth. Telling her that I thought she'd find a way to ruin it wasn't exactly endearing.

"I don't know. It was private."

"Why don't you trust me? Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?" She began to shake her head. "I don't get it. I thought you understood, everything I do, I do to make us stronger. Sometimes I have to make you cry so I can protect you. But you understand that now don't you. You see that you've never been safer than when you're with me right Rachel. Your life has never been better."

It was true. I was doing pretty good. "I know."

"So you have to let me do what I do best. You have to let me protect us."

"So we're getting back together?" I asked. I couldn't help the excitement in my voice.

"That depends. Are you going to trust me? Are you going to let me do what I do best."

I nodded. "Of course I will." I had no desire to go against her, not anymore.

She smiled. "Then yes. We're back together. And seeing as how I can be seen with you we can do all the stuff you've wanted to do. Talk at school, and have lunch together. We can go out on dates and I'm even setting it up so we can have another sleepover." She smiled. "Doesn't that sound great. Waking up in each other's arms again."

It did sound good. If Santana and Brittany hadn't ruined our hotel getaway it would have been perfect. "It sounds great baby."

She reached out to me and stroked my cheek. "You are so special Rachel. One day your gonna be a huge Broadway star. I'm always gonna be your biggest fan. It's gonna be you and me."

I nodded. "Until the end of time."

~Quinn~

"I don't know why you had to make _me_ the bad guy. I've got my own shit to deal with Fabray." Santana told me as she primped herself in front of the mirror. She'd been bitching all morning about taking the heat for me with Rachel. I was tired of hearing her bitching.

"Will you shut up already. I said thank you. God." I finally snapped at her.

"Screw you. She's gonna hate_ me_. Not that I particularly care but thinking I'm a bitch and thinking I some date raping freakazoid are two different things."

"She doesn't think that." I told her. It was a lie. She did think that. Mostly because I'd spent all night drilling it into her head. The last thing I wanted was Santana getting close to Rachel. Santana couldn't be trusted with my girlfriend. Nobody could be trusted with my girlfriend.

Santana snickered. "Of course she does. But that doesn't even matter because once she finds out you were behind it instead of me your done."

Was she threatening me? This wasn't going to work for me. Not at all. "You listen to me. If you tell her anything I'll take a visit to the Lopez house and tell your parents about your wedding plans once you get to Boston."

Santana's eyes narrowed into little slits. "Who told you about that?"

I shrugged. "Don't try and keep stuff from me Santana. We're friends, friends are supposed to share everything. Your secrets are my secrets. I'm just upset you didn't tell me yourself. I'm actually happy for you. All you have to do to keep things on track is keep your mouth shut about Rachel."

I could see her doing her best to mask her frustration. She wasn't going to be any more trouble. Her love for Brittany had always been her weakness. It was cute in a way. She was like Achilles, totally unstoppable except for that one thing that could bring her down. "I'm not going to tell on you." She finally said, accepting her defeat with as much grace as she could manage.

I was confident she wouldn't. At least not now. "I know. Besides, it's not like I was going to let Puckerman get into her pants. Rachel belongs to me, she's mine. I'm not gonna let Puck get his dirty penis anywhere near her. Besides, if she had trusted me none of this would have been necessary. I'm doing this for her. Once she realizes she needs me to run things her life will be so much easier."

Santana was back to primping. "You loving her should probably be mentioned at some point."

Bitch. "Of course I love her. I'm doing all this because I love her. I want her to be happy and she can only be happy once she realizes how unhappy she was before I came into her life."

Santana began to laugh. "So technically your job is to get Azimo to slushie her, make her think she's been caught cheating, convince her she's the absolute worst girlfriend in the world by lying to her about being selfish, and just being an all around bitch. And it's all okay because you love her and it's for her own good." She nodded. "Nice. Maybe you can convince her she shot Kennedy."

"Do you think I like doing this to her? Everything I've done has been for the greater good. I'm helping her. I don't take any joy out of making her cry. It's not easy for me to tease her. I want people to like her, I want her to be popular. If she's gonna be a big star one day like I want her to be she has to get used to people loving her. She practically forced me to do this. I had to tear her down to build her up."

"Keep telling yourself that sweetheart." Santana told me.

"Don't worry about me. I can take care of myself." I assured her.

"That I have no doubt of."

~Rachel~

"I'm sorry I ditched you guys the other night Tina." I told her.

Tina wasn't buying. I could tell by the far away look in her eyes that she wanted nothing to do with me or my apology. I was drowning for the second time in two days. Funny how yesterday was all about making up with Quinn. I wasn't even sure if Tina was at school or not. God was I selfish.

"It's okay." Tina said dryly.

Hmm. Interesting response. "It's just I've been dealing with some. Issues." I drug out the word issues for effect, hoping it would get her questioning me. It didn't.

"Really Rach, don't worry about it." She told me.

Before I had a chance to respond I heard my name being called from down the hall. I recognized the voice right away. Noah Puckerman. Great, icing on my cake.

"Berry, you left your sweater at my house last night." Instead of chucking it at my head like I expected him to, he laid it carefully across my shoulder. He lingered shoving both hands in deep pockets. "Look I wanted to say I'm sorry about last night. I got some bad information." He looked around the hallway then turned his attention back to me. "I don't want you to think I'm that kind of guy because I'm not. I know I do dumb stuff but I'm not that guy, really I'm not."

I knew he was telling the truth. The meanest thing Noah had ever done was toss some nerd in a dumpster. And even then he always made sure to do it when the dumpster was filled with mostly paper. I appreciated his apology but it wasn't necessary. I knew he'd never willingly try to hurt somebody, not that way. He may have been a sex crazed bag of teenage hormones but he wasn't a date rapist.

"It's fine Noah." I told him. Quinn had expressly forbid me from speaking to him but I didn't want the boy thinking I was holding some kind of grudge. Hell I wasn't even mad at Santana. Not really. A little freaked out and confused maybe, but not angry. I couldn't really blame _her_, I'd been warned. I just ignored the warnings.

Noah breathed a sigh of relief. "So we're good?"

I nodded. "Yes but understand Quinn doesn't want me speaking to you. At least not for the immediate future. Don't take my silence as anger, it's just Quinn's my benefactor and I can't disobey her."

Noah nodded. "No I get it. She told me the same thing. Berry's off limits." He leaned into me and whispered lightly. "I just wanted to make sure I apologized in person."

I smiled at him. "I accept your apology."

"Cool." He said as his patented Puckerman smile crawled across his face. He was cute, if I were into guys I would probably definitely be into him. Quinn was right to keep him away. One false move and he surely could get a sexually confused girl toes up in the Puckerman lair.

I suddenly remembered Tina was still standing next to me. This was my problem. Ego and self absorption. I had to learn to be more giving. Ooh, I know.

"Noah, do you know Tina?" I asked.

Tina's eyes widened at the question and I could literally see her freeze up.

Noah tilted his head, just a tad to take her into his sights. "No, I don't think we've been introduced." He extended a hand like a gentleman and shook it when she extended her hand shyly.

"Hello." Was all she could manage to say.

"I'm having another party Berry, really soon, maybe this weekend. You're coming right? Bring Tina and whoever else you want." He said as he began to walk away. "I should introduce Tina to the Chang-ster. It might be time he found himself an old lady anyway."

Tina's face lit up with excitement and her eyes locked in on me with longing. Well she was in, as soon as Noah mentioned Mike Tina forgave me no doubt. Damn this was easy. No wonder Quinn wanted to know everything. Who knows when some random piece of information would come in handy.

"I have to check with Quinn."

Noah simply nodded. "Make her bring you." He turned away from me and walked off down the hall. "Nice to meet you Tina." He called over his shoulder. Tina was too shocked to say anything.

Instead of speaking she grabbed my forearm and began to jump up and down. After nearly a minute of pure unadulterated joy she finally managed to string together a coherent thought.

"Rachel, you have to do this for me. You have to get Quinn to take us. He said he was going to introduce us to Mike."

By _us _she meant _her _but I didn't hold it against her. "I'll talk to her, but I can't make any promises."

"Just pout a little. My last boyfriend would do anything I said if I pouted. I'm sure Quinn's the same way."

And there it was, that small acknowledgment that I'd been waiting for that told me Tina had been paying attention all along. She knew Quinn and I were more than just popular girl and flunky.

"About that, it doesn't leave your lips right? She'll be really angry if anybody finds out." I said. I didn't want to have to actually say it and I could tell by the look on her face she didn't either.

Tina chuckled lightly. "She made that perfectly clear after I saw you guys in your driveway. I don't like her but I don't have to. I can see she makes you happy. I won't tell anybody."

It was such a short conversation but it was a huge relief. It was like a thousand pounds were lifted off my back. Finally somebody knew the truth about me besides my parents. I didn't want to overload Tina's brain with my issues so I decided to reward her by talking about Mike.

"So tell me more about this pouting technique of yours. If we're gonna get you this boy I need to hear everything."

She seemed more than happy to oblige.

(Home)

My fathers were downstairs watching Dancing with Stars and Quinn was back in my bedroom. My door was open, per my dad's new rule, but that didn't stop Quinn from shoving her hand down the front of my panties the first chance she got.

My body felt like it was on fire. Only she could make me feel this way. With each rub and gentle push my body seemed to jerk. It didn't help that she was nibbling on my earlobe urging me not to make a sound. The warmth of her breath alone was almost enough to make me scream out her name. To stifle my cries I bit down hard on the knuckle of my hand. It was a poor substitute to screaming out Quinn.

I knew I was being naughty but I couldn't help myself. The girl did something to me. She sent my body into hysterics and every time we were alone I ached for her touch. Longed for it. The thought of my dad's simply walking up the stairs and peeking into my bedroom and catching us made the whole thing more intense.

"There is so much stuff we have to do Rachel. So much fun we can have. I filled out my application for NYU this morning. Imagine us moving to New York together. Me at NYU, you at Juilliard. Your dad's will be okay with it. I'll make sure they are. My parent's don't need to know anything except that we're roommates. My dad will pay half the rent, your dad's can pay the other half. We'll have the rest of our lives together. No more Lima, no more lying, no more secrets. It'll just be you and me forever. Won't that be nice?"

I wasn't sure why it was important that we talk about this right now but I nodded. It was hardly sexy talk. It seemed like the kind of thing that could have waited but Quinn knew best. I wasn't tuned into how her mind worked yet but like she said, we had time for me to learn. Forever actually.

"I love you so much Rachel. I'm never gonna let you go. Your gonna be mine forever."

I didn't want her to let me go. She was it for me. My second half. I realized it when I used Tina's pout to convince her to take me to Noah's party. She agreed to take me immediately, she didn't even fight me on it. One flash of my sad brown eyes and she was agreeing to hang out at a high school party. Something that I knew she'd hate. I didn't even bother mentioning Tina. It occurred to me when she so readily agreed that despite all her complaining she'd never actually said no to me. About anything. She ranted and raved but in the end she always came around to making me happy.

"I want to be yours forever Quinn. Nobody will ever love me more than you."

She kissed my neck gently. "Nobody baby. Nobody will ever make you feel this good again." She arched her wrist and flicked her fingers just enough to send my insides to explosion. I did my best to quietly contain myself until her lips met mine and I released all the buttoned down passion I'd been holding onto. I practically screamed into her mouth.

Once my head stopped spinning and my body stopped jerking I regained my composure. "You're stuck with me Quinn."

"Good." Was what she said. "Because I love you to the moon and back."

"I know." I told her, and I did. I didn't doubt it for a second.

The End...

**First off you guys are awesome. Your reaction to the first chapter (hating Quinn) was so important to making this story work. As the story progressed most of you began to see her in a different light and she began to win most of you over. Rachel, poor Rachel, gained less and less credibility as the story went on and by last chapter most of you felt she was actually somewhat to blame for her predicament. Again exactly what I wanted. That's why switching POV to Quinn was saved until the last chapter because it was only then that you realized she was actually (somewhat) a terrible person. Even though she's doing it for the right reason she is still sort of an abusive girlfriend, at least emotionally. By the end of the story poor Rachel is totally brainwashed but somehow she feels better off, and she probably is. Interesting twist that I had to add to show the mentality of someone in one of these situations, how subtle manipulation works. Especially emotional manipulation. Anyway I had fun working through my issues and hopefully you found the whole thing interesting. Like one of the reviewers said, like watching a car wreck. **


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